When Your Best Friend is a Bully

When Your Best Friend is a Bully

This week Danielle did something that would be hard for most adults - she broke up with her best friend.

I had seen this child hitting her with a plastic sword and forcing her to sit in the hall outside of his room. When I mentioned it to his mother (we could both see it happening) she said "that's how he treats his sister." She clearly considered it acceptable behavior.

When we got home I talked to Danielle about it. She told me that he had been shutting her in his closet and not letting her out. Kevin & I asked how she felt about that. She said that it made her sad.

We explained that no one should ever treat her like that - good friends don't put their friends in closets. She took a day to come to terms with it. Then she crossed her arms defiantly across her chest and announced that she "never, ever, ever wanted to play with him again."  I'm so proud of her for coming to that decision on her own and being able to walk away.

When I tried to talk to the mother about it her response was "oh, kids will be kids" and "its just a game."

NO -it's not. It's not a game when one person feels bad. It's bullying.

I had a bully for a best friend when I was a child. The difference is that I never told my parents. My best friend from 2nd grade through 8th grade insulted me, hit me and kicked me. She made me feel like I deserved to be treated that way. As we got older she told me that I was ugly and stupid. To this day I am ashamed to admit that it happened. I'm ashamed that I never told anyone. I'm even ashamed to be admitting it now - 35 years later.

Looking back I realize that my friend grew up in a tempestuous household. Chances are very good that she was being abused and taking her aggression out on me. It makes me wonder what is happening at Danielle's friend's house. I'm so glad that this didn't get out of hand and damage her self-esteem for years.

I grew up in an era where we chanted "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." Bullying was a fact of childhood life in the 1970s. I know my brother was bullied. I doubt my parents realized that I was, too because I never told them.

That's why I'm so proud of Danielle. The courage it takes to stand up to a bully is phenomenal. Now I know that she is strong enough to handle almost anything that comes her way - and smart enough to tell us when she can't handle it alone. My brave girl.

http://www.eyesonbullying.org/childcare.html

Spring Break Atlanta Stay-cation

Spring Break Atlanta Stay-cation

We're staying home during Spring Break this year. Mainly because the one time we went away for the week of Spring Break the return traffic (from Florida to Atlanta) was insane - the trip home took 3 hours longer than the trip down. I know it's not a novel idea. As a child we never went anywhere for school breaks. I think sometimes as parents we feel that we "have" to make vacations special. The beauty of this plan is that it is special. It allows late mornings, lazy afternoons laying the grass looking at the clouds, ball games in the yard and al fresco dinners on our back deck. So relaxing!

I researched all sorts of things to do within an hour of our home, a suburb north of Atlanta. I debated some farther trips - like Chattanooga, TN but discarded the idea. I found plenty of free or low cost activities within an hour of home. Some of the things we did were every day things. We went to the local mall and had soft pretzels and ice cream cones. We window shopped, watched videos in the Disney Store and rode the carousel. Total cost about $20. One afternoon we went swimming at our local YMCA.

We have are lucky enough to have two nice nature centers close to home- Autrey Mill Preserve and Chattachoochee Nature Center. Located on 46 acres of ravine forest Autrey Mill is FREE to explore the historic homes and nature paths.  The Visitor Center is accessible and houses several tanks of snakes, lizards and frogs. Outside there are ducks. For a small donation you can get a cup of duck feed and the ducks will adore you. None of the historic homes or trails are wheelchair accessible but its a fun place to spend an hour - longer if you aren't mobility impaired. Some of the trails lead to a replicas of a Native American lodge and tee pee as well as a beautiful stream. They offer a number of historical and nature programs for about $5.00/person.

Chattahoochee Nature Center offers several walking trails including a boardwalk path, animal encounters and a nice play area.They a licensed rehabilitation center for native raptors, mammals and reptiles so you can see more than 50 different species that were rehabilitated, but unable to be safely returned to the wild. Chattahoochee charges $8.00 per adult and $5.00 per child to visit. We were able to bring a wheelchair to the Nature Center and along the boardwalk. The remainder of the Center wasn't accessible. Still, a great afternoon for under $30.
 
Another great FREE Atlanta destination is the Fernbank Science Center which houses a small museum, a planetarium (cost $4/adults, $3 kids ) and on Thursday & Friday nights an observatory open to the public. It is all wheelchair accessible. Nearby is the FREE Fernbank Forest which has 1½ miles of paved trails through 65 acres relatively undisturbed forest in the middle of Atlanta. Fernbank Rose Garden is also FREE and a lovely place for a quiet walk.

Because we live outside of a major metropolitan area there are a number of large tourist attractions. Our big splurge was to get annual family memberships to three local attractions. All are withing about an hour of home and will pay for themselves in 2 visits. We joined Fernbank Museum (see my previous blog)-family Membership cost $95- and Zoo Atlanta - family membership cost $99 (you can get a $10 discount online).
 
Zoo Atlanta is fully paved with (for the most part) gradual slopes. The path between the Backyard Habitat and the Children's Zoo is extremely steep and I wouldn't recommend taking it if you are pushing a wheelchair or stroller. The rest of the park is easily accessible by wheelchair. However, disabled parking is very limited - causing many visitors to become pretty aggressive about getting a space. We tried to go this week but were beat out of a parking spot despite waiting and having our turn signal on. So much for Southern hospitality!

I love Zoo Atlanta, despite the difficult parking. It is a modern Zoo with roomy naturalistic habitats for the animals to enjoy. One of the best things about being a member is free admission to the 2 member nights offered each year. Its wonderful to explore the Zoo in the evenings. The animals are often more active as the temperatures are cooler. Members Only Nights also feature live entertainment and special animal encounters- which my girls love!

For the first time we also bought season passes to Stone Mountain Park. Stone Mountain is a truly weird place - its a gigantic monument dedicated to the fallen leaders of the Confederacy. The carving depicts Confederate President Jefferson Davis, General Robert E. Lee and Lt. General Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson. It is literally carved into the side of a mountain - the South's own answer to Mount Rushmore. Really - it's not my goal to glamorize the secession and all it stood for. The annual pass lets us explore the various park exhibits and rides like the SkyRide and Gesyer Towers anytime we want throughout the year.  Stone Mountain houses a petting zoo, has a petting zoo attached to the Antebellum Plantation and Farmyard attraction. The farmyard offers a live show with trained goats and sheep.

My goal in going to Stone Mountain is to desensitize Danielle to fireworks before we head to one of those overpriced theme parks later in the year. Stone Mountain has a lasershow most nights during school vacations and on weekends. Despite living in the area for 15 years, we've never been to the show. You don't have to join to see the show - its FREE, sort of. You still need to pay the $10 park admission (parking fee). You can bring your own chairs and blankets. I didn't know that when I joined...  

I would encourage everyone to follow our model if you can. Most areas have unique, fun local spots to explore. Consider searching for a nature center, a playhouse, a puppet theater or a local history or children's museum. For less than the cost of two days at a theme park we had a week of great experiences as well as opportunities for a year of family fun through our new memberships.

Puppy Birthday Party

Puppy Birthday Party

Not my party, but such a well done theme that I wanted to write about it!

Puppies, puppies, puppies - they were everywhere! As soon as the children arrived they were given a pair of homemade puppy ears glued on to a head band to wear during the party. Those who wanted could also have their face painted with a dog nose.

The living room was "The Adoption Center" complete with puppy holding pens and a veterinarian's office.  Each child picked a puppy to adopt. The puppies came from the Oriental Trading "Mini Bean Bag Pound Assortment". Each child named their dog and filled out an "adoption certificate" that the mom found online for free. 

Then the kids pretended to give the dog a check up with toys that the birthday girl already owned. Next followed a good grooming with brushes, combs and a tiny hair dryer. 

Finally the children decorated a pet carrier for their new puppy. The handled boxes came from The Container Store. The parents cut a flap out of one of the short ends for a "doggy door" and added a cutout bone as a name plate. Very cute!

Next came a trip to "The Pet Store" (dining room) where the kids could "buy" a collar, leash, dog food (chocolate cereal) and a little Frisbee for their new pup. The parents made the collars and leashes out of ribbon and office supplies.

Snacks included Twizzler tidbits "kibble", Scooby snacks (dog bone shaped graham crackers), popcorn, candy dog bones from Oriental Trading and, of course, cupcakes and ice cream. The cupcakes had vanilla frosting decorated with chocolate paw prints made from a Junior Mint surrounded by several chocolate chips.  

 

The party wrapped up with games including pin the paw on the puppy, pass the puppy (hot potato) and a dog pinata. While the parents agreed that the kids hitting a dog with a bat seemed odd none of the children seemed to mind. Of course, when one of the older children knocked its head off it was all we could do not to either scream in horror or fall to the ground laughing!

As the American Humane Society would attest, "No puppies were harmed during the party..."

Valentine's Day Child's Tea Party

Valentine's Day Child's Tea Party

In 2 weeks I'll be hosting my first tea party - for 6 little girls. It was Danielle's idea. It's the first "girly" thing she's ever wanted to do and I am secretly thrilled. I truly want her to be an independent, confident, physically active child. As a result I've made sure that she plays with boys as well as girls, that she can fish, climb trees and build a bird house. I've tried to create a balance with baking and art, but we are not girly girls in this house.

As an impromptu party I really want to keep the plan simple and the budget low. I'm going to have the girls play dress up with Danielle's trunk of dress up clothes (possibly removing the miner's helmet, firefighter uniform and chicken suit first). I found 2 Easter bonnets at Dollar Tree and added some flowers and feathers that we had on hand. If I had found 6 hats I would have used them as a party craft for the girls. I ran past Goodwill and found 3 more hats and several fluffy scarves. I washed the scarves and stuck the hats in a hot dryer for 1/2 an hour to clean them. Total cost for activities $14.

If dress up doesn't occupy enough time I'll have the girls play traditional kids party games: duck, duck goose, musical chairs and clothes pin drop. Maybe we'll sing "I'm A Little Teapot"...

We'll decorate with things we have on hand - pink and white crepe paper streamers, some paper lanterns and table cloths from Dollar Tree and home made heart doilies (instructions below.) I'm looking forward to decorating the table. My china is a modern black and white pattern, but I think I can make it work with enough pink and red paper in the mix.

The Menu (my favorite part!)

• Tea for grown ups and brave little girls & Punch for the less adventurous
• Tiny PB&J Sandwiches, edges dusted with pink sugar
• Fairy Bread (Graham crackers with strawberry cream cheese and sprinkles)
• Chicken Salad with red curry paste sprinkled with almonds on Carr's water crackers
• Mini Egg Free Chocolate Cupcakes
• Egg Free Shortbread cookies with jam

Egg Free Shortbread Thumbprint Cookie recipe
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1/3 cup sifted plus 3 tablespoons confectioners' sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
Strawberry, raspberry or cherry jam

Beat the butter on medium-low speed until smooth, add sugar and vanilla. Sift together flour and salt. Gradually beat into butter mixture on low. Transfer dough onto a piece of plastic. Pat into 8-inch disk. Wrap with plastic; chill 1 hour.
Heat oven to 275 degrees. On a lightly floured surface, roll out dough to 1/4 inch thick; cut into 1-to-2 1/2-inch rounds. Reroll until all dough is used. Press each round with your thumb and add a tiny dollop of jam. Chill 15 minutes before baking. Bake 25 to 30 minutes until firm but not brown; let cool. Cookies can be made 2 to 3 days ahead, and stored in an airtight container.

Heart Doilies How-To
This is not as hard as it sounds! Danielle can do it (as long as I help a little...) Once you learn the basic folding technique you can also use it to make lovely six pointed snowflakes. We used snowman napkins for our practice pieces since we had them on hand. I really liked the way they turned out.
1. Position a prefolded square paper napkin so that the closed corner faces you.

2. Fold right corner toward left corner and flatten, forming a triangle.

3. Fold left corner toward triangle's longest side and flatten, forming a narrower triangle.

4. Using scissors, cut a convex arc from triangle to create top of half a heart.

5. Cut off bottom of triangle from left to right to create lower heart half, leaving at least 1/4 inch intact on right edge. The more you cut at this point the more distinct your individual hearts will be. (Left side of triangle will be center of a heart.) Unfold.

6. Repeat with napkins in several colors, varying position of cuts to create doilies in different sizes.

Egg Free Mini Chocolate Cupcakes
aka "Crazy Mixed-Up Cake"
I've posted egg free cupcakes recipes before. This is our favorite easy cake recipe. It can be mixed in one pan and baked as a snack cake if you'd like. It's a great recipe for kids to start baking because its very simple. It came from a cookbook my grandmother gave me when I was first married, Reader's Digest Down Home Cooking.

 1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup brown sugar, packed
1/4 cup cocoa powder, sifted
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 Tablespoon white vinegar
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 cup low-fat milk

Preheat oven to 350. Grease & flour pan or use cupcake liners.
Sift together dry ingredients (you can stir them in the pan if you are using an 8-inch square pan).
Pour in all of the wet ingredients and mix with a fork.
Bake mini cupcakes 10-12 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. bake an 8x8 pan for 28-30 minutes. I typically frost the cupcakes with a simple chocolate butter cream frosting.

Lost & Found

"Does anyone know who this belongs to?"  How many times have you heard a teacher or camp counselor ask that?

When Amanda was injured at school we accidentally left her backpack at the Kaiser medical building. The security officer saw the label inside and called us. It reminded me how important labels are. As we prep for our trip, summer camp and the return to school I've started compulsively labeling things.

I've put stick on address labels on all of the carry-ons we'll be taking as well as the various parts of Amanda's wheelchair. I've also put them on the backs of books and DVD cases.

I bought a complete set of Mabel's Labels  for each girl just after Danielle was born. I've used them on everything from sippy cups to stuffed animals.

The one on Danielle's baby "pinkie" has been there since she was a month old. Her pinkie went everywhere with her for years - and was left behind on more than one occasion. Thank goodness for the label. It has stuck to the blanket through hundreds of washes over the past four and a half years. It may be a little worse for the wear (so is the blanket!) but it's still legible.

With shipping a set of labels cost only $24.95 - that's about 36 cents each. I will use our last name and cell phone number instead of the girls' names so I can use the labels on either of the girls' things.  I know that this supply will last for years - and will stay on anything I put them on for years as well. 

Mabel's Labels has lots of great products. I'd like to order the Loot Bag Combos for a birthday party. I'd also like the 411 Wristbands for our next trip to Disney. By now you know that I'm "frugal" - okay, I'm cheap. I buy things on sale or at the Dollar Store. So when I splurge on something you know it must be worth the money. Check out the cute new designs on their site:

The label - still holding on 4 1/2 years later!

  http://www.mabel.ca/

I'm a Mabels' Labels Buzzmama - and periodically receive free items and samples in exchange for sharing information about their products.

Pick up the Pieces and Go Home

Parenting philosophies can be extremely divisive. I once had neighbors who had opposing stands on parenting and, consequently, detested each other. You could almost see their claws when they got too close to one another.

Now, I really hate being backed into a corner. It truly brings out the worst in me. I don’t understand why people demand details when I’m trying to get out of a situation gracefully. I try so hard to avoid confrontation with my white lies and evasions.

If I say “I think the kids have had enough of each other today” - please just leave it at that. Don’t go digging for details. Preschool kids are still young. They lose their tempers. They argue. They might even cry. After a while they get to a point where the best of friends can’t work things out at this age.

This is not the time to start expounding your personal philosophy for perfect parenting. It’s the time to pick up your kid, say “thanks for the play date” and go home. Don’t second guess the host parent’s motives for asking you to come get your child. I try to respect other people’s parenting choices, but there are times when I just can’t go with the flow.

It may be that when I say “the kids have had enough of each other,” I’m thinking, “I want a glass of wine after mediating between two four year olds for the past 3 hours.” Or I may really be thinking, “Your kid is a brat with no boundaries.”

Suddenly, I understand those two women from my old neighborhood. If you pressure me for the real answer about why I’ve asked you to come pick up your child, you may just get it. And then, chances are, we’ll both regret it.

Yup, those are my claws coming out...

We baked today!

Most kids love to cook. Its a way to teach fractions (1/2 cup), simple math, textures, colors - and you get to eat your results! If you don't mind a mess even little kids can pour, measure, stir, sift and scrape the bowl. Instant pudding is a good low risk way to start. Danielle has been cooking for years. She can make crepes, brownies, pies, macaroni & cheese and lemonade. Amanda enjoys stirring or watching the mixer when we use it.

First we made a 1 egg cake - without a mixer so it came out a bit flat. We accidentally used two 9" pans, instead of 8" pans. Amazingly, it still was spongy & light  - and delicious!

It's a simple, basic recipe that only requires ingredients most people have around the house. You can use any flavoring if you don't have vanilla (almond, orange, lemon...)

ONE EGG CAKE RECIPE

• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 1 1/4 cup sugar
• 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/3 cup softened butter
• 1 cup milk
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

  

  The 1 egg cakes

Preheat oven to 375 F.

Sift together dry ingredients. Combine with wet ingredients. Pour into two greased 8" cake pans. Bake for about 25 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Next we made a low fat banana cake. If you cut it into 9 pieces it only has 217 calories a slice. It came out perfectly!


LOWFAT BANANA CAKE RECIPE

• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 2 ripe bananas, mashed
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/4 cup canola oil or applesauce
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

Low fat banana cake

Preheat oven to 350 F.

Sift together dry ingredients. Combine with wet ingredients. Pour into a greased 9x9" pan. Bake for about 28 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. 

This is what you get when you let two four years olds decorate a cake!

Trying to Travel - Part Three - Pack, Pack, Pack!

The Trunki and the wheelchair backpack have both arrived! They look great. Danielle has been scooting around the house on the Trunki for days. She's literally a blur on it! And I love the compact, versatile wheelchair backpack.

Now the big questions: what to pack and how. We're visiting family for two weeks. It seems like a long time and my instinct is to pack everything we might possibly need. I know myself well enough to know that I need to pre-pack once so I can weed out the unnecessary stuff.

First I collect everything I'm positive we absolutely can't live without. And then, I ask myself -do you really need to carry that? Even a cheap hotel will normally provide a hair-dryer and iron if you ask. And, at least in the U.S., have you ever stayed anywhere that didn't have a clock? Most rentals and hotels have access to a washer & dryer - our families will certainly let us use theirs. I also assume that we can use whatever soap & shampoo is available as well as their towels.

There are lots of sites with very long suggested packing lists. This isn't one of them. I believe that when you are traveling within the U.S. and Canada you can pick up most of the things you need easily. I don't see the point in packing sunscreen that may explode all over your suitcase when you can buy some at your destination. I think its funny that people will spend $5 for a cup of coffee in the airport, but balk at spending the same on sunscreen when they "already have it at home." Leave it at home - it's not going to go bad while you're away and you can use it when you return. Worst case, you leave a little leftover lotion with your hosts or throw it in the trash before you head home.

People also seem to forget that they already have one outfit with them that they don't need to pack - the one they wear on the plane. My strategy is to wear the bulkiest items on the plane if you can. For instance, wear your jeans and a sweatshirt or sweater rather than pack them. Remember, despite the temperature outside the plane will be climate controlled. Wear your sneakers or boots. Definitely wear socks since you'll have to take your shoes off at security. You don't want to end up barefoot on a dirty airport floor because you wore your nicest pair of sandals.

Most people don't believe it, but I can typically squeeze everything for a family of four into one large suitcase and two or three carry-ons. Here is the final packing plan for each person:

• 2 additional bottoms (pants, shorts or skirts)
• 3-4 additional tops (each should coordinate with at least two the bottoms)
• OR 4 dresses for each girl (neither wears shorts or pants much)
• 1 light jacket or sweater if not worn on the plane
• 1 additional pair of shoes per person (maximum 2 pairs per)
• 4 sets of undergarments, including socks
• 1 swim suit
• 1 outfit to relax & sleep in
• limited toiletries: my contact solution & case, small flat iron, 2 razors, deodorant, our toothbrushes, combs & brushes
• Chargers (phone, camera, etc.)

In my carry-on tote (my old diaper bag) I'll bring:

•  Phone, wallet, sunglasses, keys, etc.
• Boarding passes
• Spare glasses & reading glasses
• Quart sized Ziploc bag of medicines
• A few bandaids
• Digital camera

 In Amanda's new backpack: 

•  1 change of clothes for each girl
• small toys, crayons & books
• snacks for both
• a sippy cup for Amanda (outer side pocket)
• Amanda's Ipad (outside back pocket)
• Danielle's Nintendo DS (outer side pocket)
• headphones for both girls
• Book or magazine

All of THIS



Only filled the wheelchair backpack HALF way!

Things I should pack (according to experts) but don’t typically:

• Bath robes (we don't own any)
• Flip-flops
• Rain Gear (we're not the type to go tramping around in the rain)
• Sewing kit
• Dress clothes
• Flashlight
• Travel alarm clock
• Hats & sunscreen
• Hostess Gifts (I send something when I get back or buy something there)

I'll let Danielle pack her Trunki. She can bring her own favorite things... whatever they are! Kevin's responsibility is to push Amanda. I don't think its fair to ask him to lug a carry-on as well. I may get stuck carrying the Trunki - or worse, Danielle & the Trunki! We'll just have to see how that works out. I hope she's as fast on it at the airport as she has been at home!

Trying to Travel

We plan to fly to Boston at the end of July. As anyone who has traveled with kids knows, this takes a little advanced prep. Our situation requires even more planning as we try to juggle one wheelchair, one stroller, carry on luggage and two kids. Fortunately Danielle now uses a booster seat so we don't have the nightmare of lugging a carseat as well.

We've taken the girls to New England and California in the past so both are experienced travelers. However, its been 18 months since we've been on a plane. For Danielle, that's a third of her lifetime. She really doesn't remember the process.

It helps to prepare her for new experiences by reading books. Books we'll read before the trip include The Noisy Airplane Ride and Going On A Plane . We have a beautiful board book that was Amanda's called Planes. The Noisy Airplane Ride is perfect for Danielle sho has a fear of unknown noises. It goes through each step of the flight, describing the noises you'll hear.

Danielle represents all of the challenges of travelling with a typical four year  old - she gets bored, restless and grumpy. She talks too loud on the plane or she wants to run through the airport. Or, worse, she wants to be carried. She's too big for a stroller now so I've bought her a special carry on of her own, Trunki. In theory a child should be able to ride on the Trunki - even be pulled through the airport if necessary.  It comes in various colors. She would have liked red, but I purchased blue due to a structural issue.

I chose the Terrence over the Ruby model because the red has two handles where the "seat" is. I couldn't envision Danielle sitting comfortably on those handles. I wanted to avoid ending up with one more piece of luggage for me or Kevin to carry. The Ruby is undeniably cuter, looking a bit like a ladybug. I've seen a cow model for sale on EBay. I think it would be great if Melissa & Doug made these 1) in more animal patterns and 2) for larger kids. Danielle is at the high end for this and we may only get one trip out of it as a ride on. Hopefully she will continue to use it as her carry on.

I'll pack a variety of toys and snacks to occupy her in the airport while we wait and on the plane. Toys will include Polly Pockets, an Olivia Carnival Play Set, ColorWonder Disney Princess Coloring Set and Dover Little Sticker books (Little Airport and Beach). Some are familiar, others are new. I'll open all of the new toys before I pack so that we're not fussing with packaging on the plane. You can't bring a wrapped gift in your carry on luggage, but I want to surprise her with some of these so I'll roll them into spare clothes. Maybe I can bring a few colored lunch bags and slip them inside without her noticing once we're onboard. I also know that the interior of the plane provides its own fun - light switches, headphones with music she can control, magazines to play "I Spy" with and, of course, barf bag puppets!

Danielle has inherited Amanda's Nintendo DS. She has one game of her own, Smart Girl PlayHouse. I bought a second SmartGirl game and her own headphones as as surprise.  I also ordered a car charger for the DS - and one for the IPad as well. That way they can entertain themselves during the long car rides between our families' houses. I like them to look out the windows and talk to us, but realistically we need a back up plan.

Right now I have no other special preparations for Danielle. I think that if she understands the process she'll enjoy it - and maybe, just maybe, we will too!

For my Listmania List go to Complete Packing

Tellus – as in, Tell Us More about Science!

On my list of accessible family fun within an hour of Alpharetta, Tellus Science Museum in Cartersville ranks high.  I know, if you live in the Atlanta area Cartersville may as well be Tennessee. Trust me, this is worth the trip. We discovered Tellus over the Winter Break from school.

The first time we walked into the main gallery Danielle yelled, “An Apatosaurus!” I had to check the sign. Sure enough, she was right. Now we’ve been there so often that Danielle walks in and calls out “Hi, Patty!” (She’s named the skeleton.)

The draw for Danielle was obvious. It is the biggest display of dinosaur fossil replicas that I have ever seen.  I’ve never counted, but I’m certain that there are at least 20. In addition to Patty, there is a T Rex, a mammoth, a megalodon jaw, a giant armadillo, and a host of plesiosaurs and pterosaurs. There are fossilized tracks including a T Rex track - and even fossilized feces! (Dino poop that you CAN touch.)

Tellus takes its mission of teaching children very seriously. While most of the exhibits are clearly marked “Please Do Not Touch,” in every gallery there are items marked ”Please DO touch”. What a nice change for both children and adults! There are buttons to push, fossils to touch and things to explore everywhere, not just in the large children’s playroom, My Big Back Yard . Every weekend during the summer they host “Science Saturdays” with hands on learning stations throughout the museum.

The girls, of course, love the exploration area. I love that it’s a place where they can play together – not always easy for two such different children.  

In addition to the My Big Back Yard Gallery there are two more wonderful hands on areas. Children (and adults!) can pan for semi-precious gems or uncover fossils. Both areas are designed to be wheelchair accessible. Even better – both of these activities offer free souvenirs! Each child is allowed to take home a small (1”) Ziploc bag of the gem chips they find and one real fossil. 

What kid doesn't love to splash in the water? The Gem Panning area contains an authentic water wheel and a running sluice. It also has low, wheelchair accessible sections and an elevated area where young children can reach in to the running water to pan for gems.

In the Fossil Dig site you can uncover pretend skeletons as well as real fossils. The array of small fossils includes sharks' teeth, fossilized clams and sea urchins, crinoid stems and others. Danielle has been known to spend half an hour pretending to be "Paleontologist Danielle," discovering a new species. There is also a nice desk-like space where a wheelchair fits so the person can “dig” dinosaur bones.  

There are two other galleries to explore. The Weinman Mineral Gallery houses the collection from the old Weinman Mineral Museum.  We have touched petrified wood, banged on a drum head to create seismograph waves and stood near the "core" of the Earth. There is a very cool "glowing rocks" (fluorescent mineral ) display which both girls like.

The final area, The Science in Motion Gallery, includes antique cars and motorcycles as well as replicas of biplanes and space capsules. Kevin, Danielle & I have all had our pictures taken "wearing" a space suit (not accessible for those in wheelchairs.) While Kevin & I are both interested in space exploration this is probably the girls' least favorite area of the museum. Amanda did enjoy playing with the ship controls in the temporary At The Controls Exhibit.  

My kids really love sliding pennies down either of the two Coin Vortex machines. The smaller one, located just outside of the Gem Panning area, has shoots that are easy for Amanda to manipulate coins into. The girls get so excited "racing" their coins. I know that we are literally throwing money down a hole, but as long as I load up on pennies before we  go I don't mind if the girls have 50 races since it only costs me $1.00.

 

There is a great planetarium– one of only two digital planetariums in Georgia.  They offer three or four different shows every day, including one suitable for young children (3 and up) and a "Live Tour of Tonight's Sky." The show for younger children currently features Sesame Street characters.

The theater shows free documentaries on Saturdays during the summer. Both the theater and the planetarium are accessible with ramps and include areas for wheelchairs with companion seating.  

The Solar House is powered completely by alternative energy sources. The Observatory houses a 20" telescope and a seismograph used to detect earthquakes all over the world. The earthquake data can be viewed on an interactive monitor in the Weinman Mineral gallery. Both the Solar House and the Observatory are open only during limited times.

The Museum is on lovely grounds which are marked “No Picnicking on Grass.” That may be my only disappointment with the entire museum. There is a large covered picnic pavilion with accessible restrooms which would be great for a family gathering or field trips, but that lush green lawn just cries out to be played on!

The museum is all on one level with automatic doors, level walkways and clean, spacious restrooms both inside and out. There is plenty of permit parking and a call button near the parking lot for mobility impaired visitors who need to borrow a manual wheelchair to tour the museum.

For $95 we got a Family Membership good for admission for an entire year. The membership also included 4 planetarium passes and discounted admission to special events like Astronomy Workshops at the observatory.

So, no excuses, go to Tellus and tell me how it was!

http://www.tellusmuseum.org/index.htm

https://www.facebook.com/tellusmuseum?sk=wall#!/tellusmuseum



Cyclical Friendships

We all have them: friends that come and go throughout your life. Maybe you chose different paths, live in different states, or don’t like each other’s chosen partner…  The reasons are myriad. Facebook and social networking sites have created new cycles for us. We are able to reconnect with people we haven’t seen in decades and reassess our friendship.

I seem to have two categories of friends in my life. The first are those rare few who have never left, who stuck with me through the bad haircuts, bad boyfriends and big glasses and are with me today, intimately involved in my life. They not only know my kids names, they know their birthdays.  They were there (at least in spirit) when my children were born and when my mother died. More than friends, they are my true family.

Then I have my “guy friends,” as Kevin calls them. They aren’t necessarily guys. It’s just that our friendship is more like that between two guys. We share a common interest or enjoy a common activity. Sometimes I have to tread lightly because all we share is this interest. In these cases I know that if a conversation strays unto religious or political topics we may be in trouble.

When that stage in our lives ends we grow apart; perhaps we’ll come together again, perhaps not. There is no animosity or a single breaking point – circumstances change for one or both of us and we move on along our individual paths.

I’ve had some wonderful “guy friends”. There was Melanie who taught me to ride horses in my early 30s. I was about ten years older than her. In fact, I took her out for her first legal drink. We were at different points in our lives. I was married with a job; she was still in college. I didn’t have any kids yet and so we spent a lot of time together, riding, teaching, and going to clinics with famous equestrians. It was fun and we truly enjoyed being together.  However, it didn’t extend comfortably outside of the barn.  I’ve had a lot of barn friendships over the years that ended when I left the barn.

Then there were the friends I made when Amanda was a baby. For the most part we all still live in the same town, but we have grown apart. It may be because Amanda has special needs and so she doesn’t attend our home school. It may be because some of them have gone back to work or simply found other interests now that their kids are in school all day. If I see them at all it’s a chance meeting at the grocery store or Target. I still like them. I’m always happy to see them and hear how their kids are doing. I also know that (for the most part) the “let’s get together soon” comments are sort of like when a guy would say “I’ll call you” at the end of a date. I’d be surprised if anything came of either.

Now I have Danielle and a whole new group of “guy friends.” These are women I like and admire. Strong, smart women balancing complex lives. However, I am 15 years (or more!) older than most of them. I know that under other circumstances they wouldn’t think to ask me out to a movie or over for drinks. We have no common frame of reference. Some of them were born the year that I started high school. Songs I grew up loving have always been “oldies” for them.  They didn’t know that Madonna was Catholic before she embraced Kabbalah (really?!?) They can’t remember a divided Germany with the Berlin Wall still standing or a united Soviet Union.

I’ve been down this road before. As we move deeper into summer I can already sense the shift – the start of the cycle. The kids will all be going to different schools in the fall. Some of the mothers are looking for jobs. Others are expecting another child. As the kids form new friendships so will we. Instead of talking to each other every day, now we talk once a week. Eventually it will taper off to once or twice a month and then several months may go by. We’ll still like each other. We’ll still have fun when we see each other, but we won’t see other often. Only time will tell whether we stay in touch or drift apart. And the cycle will start again with a whole new group of friends for each of us…

I'm Special, too!

"I'm Special, too!" Danielle yelled the other day.

It turns out that when we euphemistically refer to Amanda as having "special needs" all Danielle hears is special. She doesn't hear the need.

As tough as it is having special needs, it is also tough having a sibling with special needs. Danielle was very scared about Amanda "breaking". She struggled with her hospitalization. The first night we came home without Amanda & Kevin Danielle said,"I can't sleep without Amanda in the room next to me." She missed her big sister.

Some days it must seem like the whole world revolves around Amanda, especially during the weeks following her emergency surgery. Amanda gets cards and gifts in the mail. People visit Amanda. They bring her presents and balloons. To a four year old it must look like one long birthday party. At her age she has no idea what happened or how much it hurt - nor should she.

I have a vague idea how she feels. As much as my parents would resent hearing it, I grew up with a brother with special needs. My brother is brilliant. I think the euphemism my parents used for him was "eccentric genius". Like Danielle loves Amanda, I adore him.

My brother is off the charts smart. However he has some quirks. For instance, he typically develops a "uniform" - jeans and a plaid shirt which he buys in multiples and wears every day. He's done this since he was a child. My mother just accepted that he preferred certain clothes over others and worked within those constraints. However, to compensate I had to wear whatever she told me to. That means that I wore dresses to school nearly every day for years. When we visited the grandparents I had to wear hideous itchy dresses because my brother would be in jeans and a plaid shirt.

My brother also only ate a very limited diet. Again, my mother adapted. She used to tell a story that once, during a PTA meeting, she heard a group of mothers discussing "the bad mother who sent her child to school with only cereal for lunch." She realized (with horror, I'm sure) that she was the "bad mother." Therefore, everyday I had to eat a sandwich on whole wheat bread with lettuce and a piece of fruit. No cereal and yodels for me.

As much as I loved my brother I also resented having to be "normal" to compensate for his eccentricities. It seemed horribly unfair to me as a child that not only did he get to wear what he wanted and eat what he wanted, but that he was the child that my parents bragged about. No matter what odd choices he made his overwhelming brilliance overcame all else in my parents eyes.

I don't want Danielle to be put in the position of overcompensating for Amanda's "needs". I don't want to force her to be smarter or more athletic to make up for the skills Amanda lacks. I want to allow her to be whomever she is, just as I accept Amanda for who she is.  In my eyes, both of my girls are SPECIAL and I hope that I can help them see that.

Sweet sleep, Happy dreams...

My friend took a picture of her daughter sleeping in the car the other day. We'd been at the Zoo for hours. It was hot. We were all tired and a little sticky from cotton candy, but happy. The baby looked so completely at peace, sprawled in her car seat with her arms over her head.

Babies are cute sleepers. I've taken pictures of both of my girls sleeping. As an infant often the only way Danielle would sleep was curled up on Kevin's chest like a roast chicken. Now she sleeps with our cat. I have a silly picture of Amanda sleeping with her bottom in the air. You can't even see her face, just a mass of blond curls.

When I was a child my friend's mother painted her while she was sleeping. I remember my Mom asking her why she'd painted her daughter asleep. The reponse was, "Its the only time she holds still." Having tried to sit while my father painted me I know there is a great deal of truth to that, but there was also much more behind her motivation to paint her sleeping child.

Watching someone sleep evokes a deep protective response. The sleeper is so vulnerable and trusting. You don't want to let anything disrupt that serenity; you want to preserve it. Painting or photographing it makes sense from that perspective.

Years ago my friend posted a picture of his wife asleep on the couch with their two dogs sprawled over her legs. (She looked fine, by the way - not snoring or drooling.) While she may or may not have appreciated it I understood the love that motivated it. He didn't just want to capture the memory, he wanted to preserve her contentment in some manner. 



Make Way for Goslings

A flock of geese made us late to school today. Okay, we chose to stop and watch a flock of geese and consequently were late to school.

I love seeing the world through my children's eyes. This morning we were running a bit late. Getting two kids out the door, dressed and mostly clean can be a challenge some days. I was driving along, one eye on the road and one of the dashboard clock when a large Canada Goose calmly stepped onto the road in front of me. Several adults and a flock of maturing goslings followed his lead.

There were claps and shouts of "Oh, cool!" from the back seat. The girls periodically remind me of where my focus should be.

Instead of cursing because the geese were crossing the road in front of the car we pulled over and watched a creche of Canada Geese cross the road, waddle down the bank and swim off across a small pond. All Spring we've been waiting to see the goslings up close. We knew they'd hatched but the adult geese had been keeping them well clear of the road. We'd only been able to see them at a distance.

Danielle climbed on to my lap and yelled "honk honk" out the window. She looked back at me, "What? I speak Goose," she said. Of course she does. I opened the side door of the minivan so Amanda could get a better look.

Once the geese were safely in the water Danielle hopped out and retrieved a long grey wing feather. She held it up to me and then ran back to find a feather for Amanda.

The geese glided off and we resumed our trip to school, happy and relaxed even though we were half an hour late.