When Your Best Friend is a Bully

When Your Best Friend is a Bully

This week Danielle did something that would be hard for most adults - she broke up with her best friend.

I had seen this child hitting her with a plastic sword and forcing her to sit in the hall outside of his room. When I mentioned it to his mother (we could both see it happening) she said "that's how he treats his sister." She clearly considered it acceptable behavior.

When we got home I talked to Danielle about it. She told me that he had been shutting her in his closet and not letting her out. Kevin & I asked how she felt about that. She said that it made her sad.

We explained that no one should ever treat her like that - good friends don't put their friends in closets. She took a day to come to terms with it. Then she crossed her arms defiantly across her chest and announced that she "never, ever, ever wanted to play with him again."  I'm so proud of her for coming to that decision on her own and being able to walk away.

When I tried to talk to the mother about it her response was "oh, kids will be kids" and "its just a game."

NO -it's not. It's not a game when one person feels bad. It's bullying.

I had a bully for a best friend when I was a child. The difference is that I never told my parents. My best friend from 2nd grade through 8th grade insulted me, hit me and kicked me. She made me feel like I deserved to be treated that way. As we got older she told me that I was ugly and stupid. To this day I am ashamed to admit that it happened. I'm ashamed that I never told anyone. I'm even ashamed to be admitting it now - 35 years later.

Looking back I realize that my friend grew up in a tempestuous household. Chances are very good that she was being abused and taking her aggression out on me. It makes me wonder what is happening at Danielle's friend's house. I'm so glad that this didn't get out of hand and damage her self-esteem for years.

I grew up in an era where we chanted "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." Bullying was a fact of childhood life in the 1970s. I know my brother was bullied. I doubt my parents realized that I was, too because I never told them.

That's why I'm so proud of Danielle. The courage it takes to stand up to a bully is phenomenal. Now I know that she is strong enough to handle almost anything that comes her way - and smart enough to tell us when she can't handle it alone. My brave girl.

http://www.eyesonbullying.org/childcare.html