Gift Ideas for A Developmentally Delayed Teenager

Once again its the most wonderful time of year for most children. Christmas and Hanukkah bring piles of gifts and big smiles... except when your child has special needs. Just trying doing a search on "gifts for special needs" and see what you get. Besides ads for overpriced therapy equipment posing as toys there isn't much guidance out there.

Every year ToysRUs publishes a "Guide for Differently-Abled" catalog that is somewhat helpful. This is a link to the 2011 Toy list from "Love That Max" -- sadly Amanda doesn't function at a high enough level for any of the 100 toys listed. All of them would present too great a physical challenge to do anything other than frustrate her.  This proves that, just like typical kids, all kids with special needs are not the same.

I've found a few posts from other moms with children who are considered "moderate to severely delayed" that are helpful.  My favorite gift suggestion was for the parents more than the child.  Thank you, Dream Mom for suggesting "Babysitting coupons so the parents can go out to dinner are always appreciated. So often with Special Needs children, none of the family wants to babysit since they are afraid or it’s too much work. While that may be true, there is often a time when the child is sleeping, that the parents can go out for a quick dinner."

Of course, no one site or store can determine what every child with special needs might want or enjoy. With Amanda's birthday only a month before Christmas I go through a lot of stress this time of year trying to find not one but two sets of presents that she will enjoy. I realize that if its hard for me to find a good gift it must be almost impossible for her grandparents and others who rarely see her. The key to giving a good gift is to know the recipient. It doesn't matter if they have special needs or not. You want to give a gift that will be enjoyed and appreciated.

Gift cards and cash are safe options - but they basically put the burden of shopping on the parents. Sometimes this is a relief. Parents can buy things they know their child needs or will enjoy. On the other hand, parents of children with special needs are often overwhelmed. This can be a sad time of year for us - missing out on the happy family moments others take for granted. You may be doing the family a favor if you step up to the plate and shop for your gift yourself.

Happily, there are some children with mobility impairments (in wheelchairs, using walkers, etc.) who are mentally and emotionally on par with their peers. Just because they aren't necessarily playing football or on the cheer squad doesn't mean that they don't want the same things their friends do. These are the "easy" kids with special needs. They may have difficulty using their hands well or walking, but they want the same toys that their friends have - American Girl dolls, Beyblades, a Wii, etc. Don't treat them like babies because they need assistance with some things.

In general, try to avoid anything physically demanding or athletic - unless the child specifically requests it! In which case, give them the chance to try. I know kids in wheelchairs who take karate and dance. Never sets limits for them. Our area has adaptive basketball, baseball, soccer and even sled hockey. Many children are able to integrate into typical sports with some assistance. You never know what opportunities may be available for kids with special needs!

Bowling is the great equalizer. Both of my kids can bowl. Its one of our favorite family activities. Call the local bowling alley and see if they have a ramp for people with disabilities (we've never found an alley that didn't). Give a gift certificate for a family bowling night. Many states have a Brunswick Zone bowling alley.

Giving gifts to children who are developmentally delayed (mentally retarded) is more difficult for family & friends. No one wants to offend the parents by buying their teenager a gift labeled "0-3 years" even if they think the child might enjoy it. Instead they fall back on socially acceptable (and uninteresting) options like clothes and stuffed animals.

I don't know any kid who is excited to get clothes for their birthday or a holiday - at least until he or she is old enough to want designer clothes and shoes that their parents are unwilling to buy.   Otherwise you might as well be giving them socks and underwear. Trust me, that adorable dress or cute sweatshirt is going to land on the floor within minutes.

While some children (including my youngest) love stuffed animals, many children with special needs - especially autism- dislike textures. Stuffed animals, instead of representing an adorable animal to cuddle, are something to be avoided with their fluffy fur and scratchy fabrics. It's called tactile defensiveness. Amanda had shelves of stuffed animals with the tags still attached that she never touched. I finally sprayed them with Febreeze, tossed them in the dryer for a few minutes and donated them to the local Firefighters to pass out to children during emergencies.


Instead, consider buying a musical gift - a CD, music box, etc. Many kids with special needs love music. Depending on their physical abilities musical instruments are great gifts. Most children (even very motor impaired) can play bells or a tambourine. Amanda loves her keyboard and has played with it for years. You can get a guitar for a child with good motor coordination. Look for PaperJamz musical instruments. No strings on the guitar ans easily mastered.

Amanda's Ipad was hands down the best gift she ever received. An Ipad or Ipod is a great gift if you have the funds. If the lucky child already has one or both of these, buy accessories such as durable cases, extra headphones (ours are always breaking or getting lost) and ITunes gift cards.  Our $50 Otterbox  case saved the Ipad from many falls.  However, after Amanda smashed the screen on her Ipad twice in one month we invested $150 in an AirDesk - another wonderful gift if you are looking to make an impact and have the funds. It's a rotating, free standing tray for an Ipad or tablet. It can be used near a chair, a wheelchair or even in bed.

Airdesk!

If you can't afford to give an IPad (who can?) consider a less expensive Kindle Fire or the kid-friendly, more durable MEEP. There are also plenty of MP3 players other than the IPod, that you can pick up for under $20.

Amanda loves watching TV. One year family members chipped in to buy her her "own" TV. It was the gift that kept on giving. It's in the livingroom, but she gets control of the remote. The rest of us have to watch TV in another room. DVDs are always appreciated - just check to see what the child has or would like. You'd be surprised. Amanda loves age-appropriate music despite her delay. She loves concert movies of One Direction, Jonas Brothers, the Cheetah Girls and Miley Cyrus -- as well as The Wiggles.

A dear friend gave Amanda her first Netflix subscription as a get well gift one year. It was ideal!  Redbox gift cards are another good gift along this line. A car or portable DVD player is a wonderful $60 splurge gift. It can keep the child content, calm and occupied at restaurants and places that are typically hard to go with a disabled child.

Even the most physically and mentally impaired children typically enjoy simple cause and effect toys with lights and music. Many of these are suggested in the ToysRUs Guide. Before buying one, ask the parents what the child already has. One year Amanda got three indentical Leapfrog toys. We were happy to donate two to Toys for Tots.

Some kids with special needs crave stimulation in the form of light and sound, others avoid it. A good set of noise reducing headphones can be a God send for loud places like the mall, theme parks, etc.

Kids with special needs often want "toys" that aren't true toys at all. My daughter loves to flip through magazines. Right now they are her absolute favorite gift. Despite the fact that she can't read. I don't know if she enjoys the pictures, the ability to manipulate the pages or just the sound it makes when she turns the pages. It doesn't matter. She enjoys them and that is enough for me. Last year her best Christmas gift came from her grandparents - subscriptions to two teen magazines. They were pleased to be able to give her something age-appropriate. She is thrilled to get 2 new magazines every month.

Another thoughtful gift idea is a custom photobook. Amanda loves her school year books so this year I made her an soft covered photo album as a surprise. To do this, take or collect pictures of the child's friends, family, pets, school, favorite things and places. Label each picture with the names. Have a book printed out that they can flip through. It will take an hour or so to create (depending on your computer skills) and costs under $30.

I know other kids who adore office supplies. Who doesn't love bubble wrap? You can buy rolls of it from Dollar Tree or Staples. Other interesting sensory items from the stationery section include tape, stickers, rolls or paper...

Other useful links
http://voices.yahoo.com/picking-gifts-profoundly-mentally-challenged-10760823.html