Lost & Found

"Does anyone know who this belongs to?"  How many times have you heard a teacher or camp counselor ask that?

When Amanda was injured at school we accidentally left her backpack at the Kaiser medical building. The security officer saw the label inside and called us. It reminded me how important labels are. As we prep for our trip, summer camp and the return to school I've started compulsively labeling things.

I've put stick on address labels on all of the carry-ons we'll be taking as well as the various parts of Amanda's wheelchair. I've also put them on the backs of books and DVD cases.

I bought a complete set of Mabel's Labels  for each girl just after Danielle was born. I've used them on everything from sippy cups to stuffed animals.

The one on Danielle's baby "pinkie" has been there since she was a month old. Her pinkie went everywhere with her for years - and was left behind on more than one occasion. Thank goodness for the label. It has stuck to the blanket through hundreds of washes over the past four and a half years. It may be a little worse for the wear (so is the blanket!) but it's still legible.

With shipping a set of labels cost only $24.95 - that's about 36 cents each. I will use our last name and cell phone number instead of the girls' names so I can use the labels on either of the girls' things.  I know that this supply will last for years - and will stay on anything I put them on for years as well. 

Mabel's Labels has lots of great products. I'd like to order the Loot Bag Combos for a birthday party. I'd also like the 411 Wristbands for our next trip to Disney. By now you know that I'm "frugal" - okay, I'm cheap. I buy things on sale or at the Dollar Store. So when I splurge on something you know it must be worth the money. Check out the cute new designs on their site:

The label - still holding on 4 1/2 years later!

  http://www.mabel.ca/

I'm a Mabels' Labels Buzzmama - and periodically receive free items and samples in exchange for sharing information about their products.

Take it SLOW

Today I turned the car around to help a turtle cross the street. I picked her up and moved her to the side of the road where she was headed. I wondered how many other people had driven past, around or even over her. 

It was an Eastern box turtle with a beautiful shell. Box turtles look for nesting sites in June and July, so I assume it was a female. What an amazing mother to risk so much to find the ideal nesting spot for her clutch of eggs.

I wondered if the other drivers realized what her mission was and if they would have cared. It was such a little thing to stop and move her safely across the road. It took less than 3 minutes.

When I was a kid we rescued a box turtle that had been hit by a car. We fed it berries, watermelon and raw hamburger. It grew very tame - taking bits of fruit and lettuce from our fingers. We released it in the woods at the end of our street.

Box turtles are a now protected species in most states and can't be kept as pets. They have a very long life span (50-100 years) and don't breed until they are about 10 years old. They only lay 3-6 eggs and leave the nest unguarded. Skunks, foxes and coyotes all happily eat turtle eggs if they uncover a nest. Combine this with shrinking habitats and box turtles rarer than they were when I was growing up.

We have a box turtle that lives has lived in our yard in Georgia since we moved in. I know its the same turtle because she has a scar on her shell. Eastern box turtles have a very small territory - typically less than 2 acres. It probably hibernates somewhere in the little patch of woods behind our house.  I see it every few months. Once it wandered into the garage, terrifying Danielle and cracking me up.

We're a family of turtle rescuers. Last summer Kevin helped a snapping turtle cross the road. If you've never seen a snapping turtle they have flat shells and long pointed tails. They also have long necks, quick reflexes and vice like beaks.   They're called snappers for a reason. There is no safe way to handle a snapping turtle. Kevin used a stick to scoop if up and flip it across the road. I'm not sure that I would have tried to move it if I'd been in his shoes.

A few years ago we visited Tybee Island. One of my favorite random sights was the "Turtle Crossing" sign we spied on I-80. Unlike deer crossing signs, it wasn't there to protect motorists from getting hit by turtles, but to protect the turtles from being hit by cars. Tybee's sandy beaches are a favorite nesting site for loggerhead sea turtles. We were there at the wrong season to see any turtles - we just saw the sign.

Sadly, the signs have been stolen from I-80 and turtle fatalities are up this year. I'm sure that some one decided to take the signs as a souvenir instead of just taking a photo. It's a shame because similar signs are readily available through Amazon Turtle Crossing Sign for under $10.00.

Perhaps some industrious Tybee Island merchant can stock Turtle Crossing signs and sell them to the tourists. Until then we wait for the Georgia Department of Transportation to replace the signs - and hope that people will either try stop if they can safely and help a turtle over the highway when they see one trying to cross or at least avoid hitting it.

And if you see a lump that looks like a rock in the middle of the road, slow down a little. If its a turtle, take a minute to pull over and help it across the street.

For information on Tybee Island Turtles go to http://savannahnow.com/news/2011-07-16/tybee-islands-pregnant-turtles-no-match-motorists  To help get the Turtle Crossing signs returned to Tybee Island, please contact the Georgia Department of Transportantion (GDOT) for Chatham County in District Five: District Engineer (Acting) Karon Ivery 204 North Highway 301 Jesup GA 31546.

Parking and Other Perks

Sometimes when I get off the phone with one of my closest friends, I’m struck by how different our lives have become. We grew up together in a typical, middle class suburb in Connecticut. We lived in nice subdivisions and attended public school. Neither of us stood out in any particular way.

Now she lives in a rural part of the country. And I mean rural. She raises chickens for the eggs and, occasionally, for the meat. When she wants a hot shower she chops wood and lights the burner on the boiler to heat the water. She grows her own vegetables and keeps a “parts car” in her driveway. She has three wonderful boys – all typical, healthy kids.

When I want a hot shower I turn on the faucet and wait a few minutes. When I’m hungry and tired there are places that will deliver pizza to my door. I shop at a grocery store for fresh veggies and have a mechanic repair my car. I have my two girls – one with special needs.

When we talk, my discussions about therapies, surgeries and IEPs that sound so mundane to me must strike her as surreal. Her kids get up in the morning and go to school. There are no discussions about inclusion. No meetings to arrange for adaptations. No plans to handle extended absence following surgeries.

Her boys participate in Boy Scouts and play Little League. She has never hunted for an adaptive sports league or forced her way into an organization in order to give her child a glimpse of a typical life. I’m sure she wonders how I learned to write a Medicaid application just as I wonder how (and where!) she learned to pluck a chicken.

How could two such ordinary people end up leading such extraordinary lives? Yet, most of the time neither of us sees our own life as extraordinary. I do what I have to do to give Amanda the best life I can. Just as she does what she has to in order to give her boys a good life. However, we both have to do very different things to meet those goals.

Despite our different life styles, we always make each other laugh. She can help me see the levity in a botched diagnosis just as I can help her find the humor in her daily grind. When I talk to her I realize that although my life is very different from the lives of the people around me, lots of people’s lives are different. And different isn’t always bad even when you didn’t chose it.

After all, I get great parking spaces when I travel with Amanda and I never, ever have to kill my own food.

Broken Hip, Broken Heart – A Cautionary Tale

This is a sad story, not the kind I like to write.

Recently, Amanda fell and broke her hip at school. Here’s the heart breaking part of the story from a mother’s perspective. This is the second time that Amanda has taken a serious fall at school that has ended in surgery. This second fall was both foreseeable and preventable had the Fulton County School System acquiesced to our request for dedicated paraprofessional to oversee Amanda’s safety four years ago. 

Amanda - bowling before the fall

Even more agonizing to me than the injury has been the Fulton County School System’s complete lack of regard for my child’s safety or concern for her recovery. The Fulton County Georgia Risk Manager was slow to return our calls, didn't provide us with contact information that we asked for and essentially ignored our repeated requests for information and reasonable accommodation following the accident. His stand was quite simply “you can’t sue the County.” Tragically, that’s true. It’s called sovereign immunity. Generally speaking it is the doctrine that the State cannot commit a legal wrong and is immune from civil suit. It’s a vestige of the old English law “you cannot sue the King.”

Doesn’t the State have any obligation to protect the health and welfare of the children attending public school? Most people assume that it does, however, that is not the case. Had the same event happened at a private school, negligence and liability would be fairly easy to prove. However, because Amanda attends public school it is irrelevant whether or not the school, County or State was negligent. You, the taxpayer and parent, have no right to pursue legal action against a State entity. In most states a parent would be able to sue the State’s insurer. However, Georgia is self-insured, meaning that there is no separate entity to assume liability and cover resulting damages.

Amanda following surgery June 2011

We all have certain expectations when we send our children to school, whether they are typical children or have special needs. Most of these expectations would seem reasonable to the common man. Is it unreasonable to expect that when you put your child on the school bus he or she will be taken to the school you were told they would be attending? Is it unreasonable to expect the school to call or otherwise notify a parent if the child is delivered to the wrong school? Is it further unreasonable to expect incidents such as a slip and fall to be promptly recorded and the parents notified in a timely manner?

If these expectations are all reasonable doesn’t it follow that it is reasonable for the School System to assume liability for the accident?

In this situation, the school’s actions both before and after the incident can certainly be called into question under the “reasonable person” concept of law. Here is what happened:

On June 7, 2011 somehow Amanda ended up at Centennial High School in Roswell, GA instead of Alpharetta Elementary School. We had been told that she would be continuing at Alpharetta Elementary for Extended School Year (ESY). She had her backpack with her, on the outside was a photo ID of our family with our names and contact information. No one called to let us know that she had been transported to the wrong school.

Apparently one teacher recognized her and they called Alpharetta Elementary School. Between the two schools it was decided to leave her at the high school for the remainder of the day. Neither school called us.

Sometime around 9:00 that morning Amanda fell. There was no visible bruising so the school continued to force her to walk, despite her complaints. Amanda is non-verbal so her complaints typically consist of grunts, moans and howls. She doesn’t cry.

Finally five hours later, the decision was made to call the Special Needs Nurse.  The nurse called me from her cell phone on her way to the high school. It was then that I learned where Amanda had been all day. I could immediately tell from her description of Amanda’s behavior that it was a serious injury. I called my husband, Kevin, and sent him directly to pick her up (of course, he too, wondered why she wasn’t at the elementary school.)

When Kevin got to the high school, there was no written accident report available, but the teachers described the incident to him. He took Amanda to her primary care physician where they x-rayed her right leg. While Kevin was waiting for the x-rays to be read the ESY coordinator from the Elementary School called me at home and said, laughing, “Do you know that Amanda’s been at the high school all day?’ “Yes, I do now, and I think she has a broken leg’” I shot back. The poor woman hadn’t been informed of the accident either.

Upon x-ray it was determined that Amanda had a femoral neck (hip) fracture. Kevin drove Amanda to the children’s hospital in downtown Atlanta and she was admitted for emergency surgery, roughly 11 hours after the fall.

The fracture was misaligned and required two surgical screws to hold it in place. During her recovery Amanda struggled to breath. Three days later it was discovered that the lower section of her right lung had collapsed, possibly due to the surgery, possibly due to her fall. She remained on oxygen for a week following the surgery. Due to the severity of the break she came home with a “No Weight Bearing” restriction. That meant no standing for transfers in and out of bed, a chair or her wheelchair.

More than two weeks after the accident we finally received a written accident report from the school. Right now her prognosis is good.  There is a possibility that due to the delay in reporting and treating the injury critical blood flow may have been interrupted to the bone. Osteonecrosis (bone death) occurs when part of the bone does not get blood and dies. It occurs in a small percentage of fractures of the neck of femur, because the blood supply is interrupted. If this sets in, Amanda may require a hip replacement. Naturally we don’t expect this to happen.

But, then again, we didn’t expect Amanda to have a second serious fall at school. The first fall occurred in May, 2007 during a “water day”. Her teacher called to tell me that Amanda had fallen and "fussed a little"; not to be surprised that there was a small bruise above her lip. She didn’t give me any other information about the accident - where it happened or how. When Amanda got home I noticed that she had broken a front tooth below the bruise. I immediately took her to the dentist and had it repaired.

Within days it became apparent that something had also happened to Amanda's back. The previous year Amanda had “growing rods” surgery to correct severe scoliosis. The plan was to lengthen the rods incrementally over the period of several years in order to avoid a complete spinal fusion. We were careful to put in her return to school documentation that a fall could result in a very serious injury to her.

Broken rod May 2007

We took her to her orthopedic surgeon who determined that the top of Amanda's right rod had completely dislodged from the bone. This required major surgery - a full spinal fusion years ahead of schedule. To the best of our knowledge the teacher didn’t call the nurse or file a report even though she knew Amanda had the potential for serious complications if she fell. We asked for, but never received, an accident report.

We wrote a letter to the school, explaining the circumstances of the accident and subsequent surgery. At the time we requested that Amanda be assigned a dedicated paraprofessional to ensure her safety. Our request was ignored. Had it been granted Amanda most likely would not have experienced this second fall and resulting complications.

Right now we are spinning our wheels – quite literally as Amanda is now in a wheelchair. We are concerned about how we can protect Amanda going forward when we are working with a nonresponsive school system.

I ask you, what would a reasonable person do in these circumstances?

Pick up the Pieces and Go Home

Parenting philosophies can be extremely divisive. I once had neighbors who had opposing stands on parenting and, consequently, detested each other. You could almost see their claws when they got too close to one another.

Now, I really hate being backed into a corner. It truly brings out the worst in me. I don’t understand why people demand details when I’m trying to get out of a situation gracefully. I try so hard to avoid confrontation with my white lies and evasions.

If I say “I think the kids have had enough of each other today” - please just leave it at that. Don’t go digging for details. Preschool kids are still young. They lose their tempers. They argue. They might even cry. After a while they get to a point where the best of friends can’t work things out at this age.

This is not the time to start expounding your personal philosophy for perfect parenting. It’s the time to pick up your kid, say “thanks for the play date” and go home. Don’t second guess the host parent’s motives for asking you to come get your child. I try to respect other people’s parenting choices, but there are times when I just can’t go with the flow.

It may be that when I say “the kids have had enough of each other,” I’m thinking, “I want a glass of wine after mediating between two four year olds for the past 3 hours.” Or I may really be thinking, “Your kid is a brat with no boundaries.”

Suddenly, I understand those two women from my old neighborhood. If you pressure me for the real answer about why I’ve asked you to come pick up your child, you may just get it. And then, chances are, we’ll both regret it.

Yup, those are my claws coming out...

We baked today!

Most kids love to cook. Its a way to teach fractions (1/2 cup), simple math, textures, colors - and you get to eat your results! If you don't mind a mess even little kids can pour, measure, stir, sift and scrape the bowl. Instant pudding is a good low risk way to start. Danielle has been cooking for years. She can make crepes, brownies, pies, macaroni & cheese and lemonade. Amanda enjoys stirring or watching the mixer when we use it.

First we made a 1 egg cake - without a mixer so it came out a bit flat. We accidentally used two 9" pans, instead of 8" pans. Amazingly, it still was spongy & light  - and delicious!

It's a simple, basic recipe that only requires ingredients most people have around the house. You can use any flavoring if you don't have vanilla (almond, orange, lemon...)

ONE EGG CAKE RECIPE

• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 1 1/4 cup sugar
• 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/3 cup softened butter
• 1 cup milk
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

  

  The 1 egg cakes

Preheat oven to 375 F.

Sift together dry ingredients. Combine with wet ingredients. Pour into two greased 8" cake pans. Bake for about 25 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Next we made a low fat banana cake. If you cut it into 9 pieces it only has 217 calories a slice. It came out perfectly!


LOWFAT BANANA CAKE RECIPE

• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 2 ripe bananas, mashed
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/4 cup canola oil or applesauce
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

Low fat banana cake

Preheat oven to 350 F.

Sift together dry ingredients. Combine with wet ingredients. Pour into a greased 9x9" pan. Bake for about 28 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. 

This is what you get when you let two four years olds decorate a cake!

Blowing Bubbles in the Backyard

One of life's simple pleasures...

We love bubbles at our house. I make up a gallon of bubble solution in a small plastic waste basket. I pick up a few big bubble wands from the Dollar Store. Total cost under $5.00 for days of fun!

Here is the formula I use. Glycerin can be expensive and hard to find. Corn syrup works almost as well is readily available.

Exploratorium Bubble Formula (from the Exploratorium web site)

• 2/3 cup dishwashing soap

• 1 gallon water

• 2 to 3 tablespoons of glycerin (available in pharmacies)

For more bubble formulas go to http://bubbleblowers.com/homemade.html

Trying to Travel - Part Three - Pack, Pack, Pack!

The Trunki and the wheelchair backpack have both arrived! They look great. Danielle has been scooting around the house on the Trunki for days. She's literally a blur on it! And I love the compact, versatile wheelchair backpack.

Now the big questions: what to pack and how. We're visiting family for two weeks. It seems like a long time and my instinct is to pack everything we might possibly need. I know myself well enough to know that I need to pre-pack once so I can weed out the unnecessary stuff.

First I collect everything I'm positive we absolutely can't live without. And then, I ask myself -do you really need to carry that? Even a cheap hotel will normally provide a hair-dryer and iron if you ask. And, at least in the U.S., have you ever stayed anywhere that didn't have a clock? Most rentals and hotels have access to a washer & dryer - our families will certainly let us use theirs. I also assume that we can use whatever soap & shampoo is available as well as their towels.

There are lots of sites with very long suggested packing lists. This isn't one of them. I believe that when you are traveling within the U.S. and Canada you can pick up most of the things you need easily. I don't see the point in packing sunscreen that may explode all over your suitcase when you can buy some at your destination. I think its funny that people will spend $5 for a cup of coffee in the airport, but balk at spending the same on sunscreen when they "already have it at home." Leave it at home - it's not going to go bad while you're away and you can use it when you return. Worst case, you leave a little leftover lotion with your hosts or throw it in the trash before you head home.

People also seem to forget that they already have one outfit with them that they don't need to pack - the one they wear on the plane. My strategy is to wear the bulkiest items on the plane if you can. For instance, wear your jeans and a sweatshirt or sweater rather than pack them. Remember, despite the temperature outside the plane will be climate controlled. Wear your sneakers or boots. Definitely wear socks since you'll have to take your shoes off at security. You don't want to end up barefoot on a dirty airport floor because you wore your nicest pair of sandals.

Most people don't believe it, but I can typically squeeze everything for a family of four into one large suitcase and two or three carry-ons. Here is the final packing plan for each person:

• 2 additional bottoms (pants, shorts or skirts)
• 3-4 additional tops (each should coordinate with at least two the bottoms)
• OR 4 dresses for each girl (neither wears shorts or pants much)
• 1 light jacket or sweater if not worn on the plane
• 1 additional pair of shoes per person (maximum 2 pairs per)
• 4 sets of undergarments, including socks
• 1 swim suit
• 1 outfit to relax & sleep in
• limited toiletries: my contact solution & case, small flat iron, 2 razors, deodorant, our toothbrushes, combs & brushes
• Chargers (phone, camera, etc.)

In my carry-on tote (my old diaper bag) I'll bring:

•  Phone, wallet, sunglasses, keys, etc.
• Boarding passes
• Spare glasses & reading glasses
• Quart sized Ziploc bag of medicines
• A few bandaids
• Digital camera

 In Amanda's new backpack: 

•  1 change of clothes for each girl
• small toys, crayons & books
• snacks for both
• a sippy cup for Amanda (outer side pocket)
• Amanda's Ipad (outside back pocket)
• Danielle's Nintendo DS (outer side pocket)
• headphones for both girls
• Book or magazine

All of THIS



Only filled the wheelchair backpack HALF way!

Things I should pack (according to experts) but don’t typically:

• Bath robes (we don't own any)
• Flip-flops
• Rain Gear (we're not the type to go tramping around in the rain)
• Sewing kit
• Dress clothes
• Flashlight
• Travel alarm clock
• Hats & sunscreen
• Hostess Gifts (I send something when I get back or buy something there)

I'll let Danielle pack her Trunki. She can bring her own favorite things... whatever they are! Kevin's responsibility is to push Amanda. I don't think its fair to ask him to lug a carry-on as well. I may get stuck carrying the Trunki - or worse, Danielle & the Trunki! We'll just have to see how that works out. I hope she's as fast on it at the airport as she has been at home!

Fulcrums and a Full Life

This weekend I hopped the last hurdle into middle-age: bifocals. I am now officially old. Grey hair, wrinkles, expanding waistline and declining vision. So why am I so content?

Maybe it’s because I can look back and be happy about where I’ve been. I’ve made good friends. I’ve gotten a good education. I’ve had the opportunity to work for a paycheck and the luxury to volunteer for a nonprofit. I have a fantastic family, both here in my home and stretched out across the country.

Life isn’t easy. Not for anyone, even if it looks like it is from the outside. We all struggle with our personal demons and challenges. I worry too much. I don’t work out enough. I am often out of balance. But not today. Today, as I turn 47, I am perfectly balanced on the fulcrum of my life. Life can be a see saw, tipping wildly in one direction then another. Your job pulls you one way; your family pulls you another – the see saw tips out of balance. The trick is adjusting the weight of each element so you can go up and down in harmony. Never letting one side weigh you down or keep you pinned to the ground.

The past month has left me teetering. The abrupt “thump” when Amanda broke her hip. The long days and nights in the hospital following… then endless piles of paperwork for insurance, Medicaid and lawyers. But today my friends have posted messages on Facebook, I had a little party, my father called… things have tipped back up and balance has temporarily returned.

My understanding of physics is limited to a fifth grade module on Simple Machines, but I found this website demonstrating how a fulcrum works. It’s not just the weight on both ends that impacts the balance, but also the placement of the fulcrum. It occurs to me that I can impact the placement of the fulcrum, myself, and how I view the world around me. I don’t need to allow outside factors to weight me down. I can alter where I stand in relation to the people and events around me. I can influence the balance of my own life.

There is power in the placement of a fulcrum. Archimedes is attributed with saying.”Give me a lever long enough, and a prop strong enough, I can single-handed move the world.” A fulcrum is also the pivot point for any lever. Today I feel like I can move the world. Not off its orbit, but maybe nudge it into a better place somehow.

Physics can also explain the wrinkles, but that's a topic for brighter minds than mine....

Candy Buffet on a $50 Budget

I decided to create a rainbow candy buffet for an upcoming midsummer party. Despite being called crazy by a few friends, creating a candy buffet was fun. One friend actually understood my silly obsession with this project. As she said,"You have a goal, a timeline and a budget - its like being back at work!" The things a stay-at-home Mom will do to keep her mind active...

You can buy everything you need at Party City in the Wedding Section, but costs add up quickly. Candy runs about $6.00 for a ½ pound bag. Containers start at $3.00 and go up to $20.00. To my amazement you can even hire a Candy Caterer to create a buffet for you. I have a self-imposed budget of $50.00. That seems like a lot for candy. However, I'm considering it my main  decoration and as well as the party food.  I hope that there will be some left for favors for the kids.  

There are great candies online, but since you pay by weight, shipping can easily add 50% to your candy total. I realized that online candy costs about $15-$20/pound when you add shipping. Online sites recommend at least ½ pound of candy per person! I guess that’s if you’re not serving them anything else. We had 24 guests, but I just couldn’t imagine buying 12 pounds of candy at those prices ($180.00 - $240.00).

 

I bought most of the candy at the Dollar Store. I even got some cute glass containers there. I also scrounged the grocery store, WalMart and Target for the colors I needed. Our local Target has a good selection of bulk candy including jellybeans sorted by color, at $6.00/pound. I combined individually wrapped items like lollipops and with unwrapped candies like gummies, candy corn, gumballs etc.

I needed the six colors of the rainbow for my buffet. I didn’t realize that blue and green candies would be hard to find.  I had to buy light blue Sixlets (chocolates) at Party City at $5.99 for an 8 ounce bag. The green came from Mint 3 Musketeer minis.  If I do this again I will pick a single color as my theme. The are a lot of red candies (Twizzlers, Clark bars, Fireballs, etc.) or orange (Reeses Peanut butter cups, Orange Slices, Candy Corn, etc.) You can keep candy for 6 months so you can stock up during a holiday if you plan ahead.

The next trick was finding the right size container to fit the various candies without the containers looking empty. I discovered that if you chose large containers you’ll have to buy A LOT of candy. For a visual reference a typical 8 ounce glass holds a 1/2 pound of most candies. Since mine was a small buffet I was able to use kitchen glasses, bowls, martini glasses and clean vases & votive candle holders.

Most sites recommend that you use clear containers so guests can see the candy. That’s great if you have a lot of money to spend on the candy. I didn’t so I got much of my color from the actual containers, as you can see. I used a mix of glass and plastic containers.

Being compulsive about this stuff, I did a trial run before the party - okay, two test runs. I filled the containers & played around with the arrangement. I realized that because it was a small buffet I needed to add height to create impact. I made a lollipop display by pushing the sticks into floral foam in a vase. I covered the foam with the paper crinkles used in gift baskets. I stuffed a clear vase with colored tissue. I stuck books under the table cloth to raise some of the containers.

You can also use anything for color accents.  You could use stuffed animals or toys for a kids’ party. For a SpongeBob party you could go with all yellow candies and scatter toys on the table.

Next I had to address the question of what guests should put the candy in. I had twelve roughly 8 ounce containers of candy. If I gave each guest a 6 ounce plastic wine glass, I wouldn't have enough for everyone. I had to add some inexpensive bulk items like Tootsie Pops, gumballs and pixie sticks (added another $4 to the total). I set out spoons and a gravy ladle to scoop unwrapped candies. I picked up small white wedding favor boxes to use as goody bags for the kidsif there are any leftovers.

To continue the rainbow theme I used solid color paper lanterns from Target that I already had on hand for decorations. My grand total came in just over $40.  That's about $1.70 per person. Not bad ~ especially since I had so much fun putting it together. Compared to the last party we had where I ordered 6 pizzas at $15 each it was really a good deal.  Now, if only the other Moms don't kill me for sending their kids home on a sugar high!

I am NOT a Housewife



My Mom,
 quintessential 1950s

I'm not a housewife. I married a man, not a house. Good thing, too, since I've been through four houses but only one husband.

Last summer I took out one of my many mops to clean the tile floors in the basement. Danielle looked at it and asked, "What's that?"

 "A mop," I replied.

She thought for a moment then said,"Oh! like they have on TV."





We're going to Wellfleet!

Wellfleet, Massachusetts is a tiny town at the end of Cape Cod with a very funny Fourth of July parade. I wish I could be there to see it this year. It is a real, old time parade with cub scouts marching and every rescue vehicle the town owns.

It also typically features any one who wants to walk down Main Street wearing a silly costume. We took Amanda years ago. That year there was a lawn mower shaped like clam that spat water - Amanda loved it. She also loved the motorcyclist who did several "wheelies" in front of her. There were political protesters, pirates, belly dancers and drag queens marching. Like I said, I real old time small town parade..

Sallie & family, age 3 or 4

In  a few weeks we'll be in Wellfleet, visiting my father. When I was a child we rented a tiny cottage on the dunes for two weeks every summer.  A lot of the things that I loved as a kid are now accessible so I can share them with both girls.

As kids we snuck across the dunes from the cottage we rented and tramped around the Atlantic White Cedar Swamp. Amanda obviously isn't about to sneak across any sand dunes, but the trail is accessible through the Marconi Station parking lot.  It's about a 1-1/2 mile boardwalk that winds through the trees and marshy areas.  Most of it should be accessible for Amanda.  It is near the Marconi site on Route 6A in Wellfleet. It is also near where my mother's ashes are scattered.

The Marconi site is wheelchair accessible and has a great view of the Atlantic.  In 1903 Marconi transmitted the first  two-way, transatlantic wireless messages between the president of the United States and the king of England from this location. Not that my kids will care, but it is a nice place to walk and admire the ocean.

We'll explore the tiny center of Wellfleet. I don't think I'll risk bringing a wheelchair into any of the art galleries, but Emack & Bolios, "a Nice Cream Place", is outside and should be easy to access. I also don't think we can get Amanda into the local candy store, The Chocolate Sparrow, but I doubt I'll be able to keep Danielle out!

When we were kids we hunted for fiddler crabs under Uncle Tim's bridge at low tide. The trick is to find a hole and poke a stick in behind the hole. The crab will run out and - if you are quick & very brave- you can grab it without getting your fingers pinched by the big claw. The bridge leads to a small island conservation area and a few houses. The island isn't accessible, having only sand paths, but the bridge is fun to cross and I should be able to navigate Amanda on to it. Danielle will love playing pirate on the island.

I’m so excited that Cape Cod beaches are becoming increasingly accessible!  I haven't been able to bring Amanda to a beach since she was little. Many of the beaches have accessible parking, but no way to get to the beach due to high dunes, stairs, etc. Now several have ramps. Mayo Beach in the center of Wellfleet has a ramp. And, when we're at the harbor we can watch the fishing boats and get some soft serve ice cream at was The Harbor Freeze - hopefully its still there! 

Of course, we'll go out for seafood. Being allergic to most shellfish I'm limited to fried clams (too bad, huh?) There was a wonderful little clam shack at the end of LeCount Hollow Rd in South Wellfleet, but it disappeared years ago. Now we stop by PJ's Family Restaurant. The food is good, but not healthy. You really can't expect a great salad at a place that specializes in fried food and ice cream! My mouth is already watering...

For fun, check out these Wellfleet webcams - maybe you'll see us on one in a few weeks! http://www.mywellfleet.com/

I got great information about Cape Cod Accessibility through these sites:

http://www.capecoddisability.org/outer.html

http://www.everythingcapecod.net/Cape_Cod_Beaches.html

http://www.softseattravel.com/Cape-Cod-Wheelchair-Accessible-Trails.html

Trying to Travel, Part Two

Now the preparations for airline travel with Amanda begin.The very first thing I had to do, before researching accessible beaches or planning our itinerary was to learn how the Americans with Disabilities Act impacts air travel. I discovered that there is another law, the Air Carrier Act, that specifically addresses commercial airlines. Other parents get to read travel guides; I get to learn disability law.

When we booked the flights we carefully specified that we required wheelchair assistance. Now, however, we need additional assistance due to the broken hip. I had to contact AirTran and request bulkhead seats for her and one companion as she has an immobilized leg.  AirTran responded very promptly with two bulkhead seats and two immediately behind so we can stay together as a family. I also need to make sure that they will have an on board wheelchair and that the flight attendants will understand her rights.

I ordered her a new wheelchair backpack that doubles as carry on luggage. It looks really cool. We've always needed at least one extra hand to get the kids and our luggage through the airport. Hopefully this bag will help. I like it better than the backpack we've tried to use in the past because it was designed to fit onto the handles of a wheelchair and it has several convenient exterior pockets for us to stow a soda bottle, her IPad, and little items. She may miss the Jonas Brothers logo that is on her current backpack, but I won't!



New backpack

Getting through TSA should be easy. There is a special line for mobility impaired passengers. A same-sex agent should scan her and the chair with a wand, while the rest of us go through the regular screening. They should let one of us go through ahead of her so we aren't separated. At least in theory that's how it should work. 

You'll notice I used the verb should in every sentence. We have run into some real idiots in the past. One agent wheeled her away from us with no instructions while I stood frantically screaming, "Don't take my child!" Another insisted that she get out of the wheelchair and walk unaided through the scanner. I think this is because the majority of "disabled" people TSA and flight attendants see are simply elderly people who are bit infirm and may use the wheelchair service for convenience getting through the airport rather than necessity.

We're able to navigate Amanda through the airport in her wheelchair without problem, but getting on board will be another trick. Wheelchair passengers are the first to board and the last to get off. The law requires that at least one folding wheelchair per flight  be accommodated in the cabin - even if means displacing the crew's or first class passengers items. This is the best way to ensure the wheelchair isn't lost or broken. Even a basic manual chair like Amanda's costs more than $3,500. This isn't an umbrella stroller that can be replaced at the nearest WalMart for $15.

If there is already another wheelchair in the cabin, they will gate check the chair and take it down to be loaded in the baggage compartment. So we need to make sure they know how to handle her wheelchair.We will need to put any detachable parts in a carry-on duffel bag and tape a list of instructions & parts on the wheelchair. By law access equipment doesn't count toward the passengers' carry on limit, so if we have to bag the parts, they have to stow them in an overhead or on board compartment.

Aisle Chair

 In the past Amanda has always been able to walk on board after her wheelchair is stowed. That isn't an option now so I'll have to call Airtran and request assistance with an on board wheelchair (typical wheelchairs are too wide for airplane aisles). This is called an "aisle chair" - a narrow high back chair with no sides. The catch is that she has to be "semi-ambulatory and able to transfer... into and out of these chairs."

Right now she still has a NO WEIGHT BEARING restriction. Hopefully the surgeon will remove that soon so that she can stand to transfer in and out of her wheelchair. Currently I have to use a slide board to transfer her. Kevin (aka He Man) just picks her up.

Those are the mechanics of traveling with Amanda. The actual flight should go well. She will have her IPad and headphones with her so she will have games and videos. They will require that she shut it off during take off and landing. Technically, as it is her Assistive Communication Device they are not allowed to require that it be shut off, but I doubt either of us is willing to fight that battle. The only other thing she needs is a spill proof cup since she can't drink reliably from a regular cup.

The flight should go smoothly assuming that the airline provides the accommodations we've requested, since all fall within the scope of the Airline Carrier Act as well as the Americans with Disabilities Act. Based on my recent experience with the Fulton County School System I no longer believe that the existence of a law creates compliance. I'll let you know how things go...

For information on Air Carrier Act and accessibility on airlines go to

http://www.disabilitytravel.com/airlines/air_carrier_act_details.htm

http://www.dotcr.ost.dot.gov/asp/airacc.asp

Trying to Travel

We plan to fly to Boston at the end of July. As anyone who has traveled with kids knows, this takes a little advanced prep. Our situation requires even more planning as we try to juggle one wheelchair, one stroller, carry on luggage and two kids. Fortunately Danielle now uses a booster seat so we don't have the nightmare of lugging a carseat as well.

We've taken the girls to New England and California in the past so both are experienced travelers. However, its been 18 months since we've been on a plane. For Danielle, that's a third of her lifetime. She really doesn't remember the process.

It helps to prepare her for new experiences by reading books. Books we'll read before the trip include The Noisy Airplane Ride and Going On A Plane . We have a beautiful board book that was Amanda's called Planes. The Noisy Airplane Ride is perfect for Danielle sho has a fear of unknown noises. It goes through each step of the flight, describing the noises you'll hear.

Danielle represents all of the challenges of travelling with a typical four year  old - she gets bored, restless and grumpy. She talks too loud on the plane or she wants to run through the airport. Or, worse, she wants to be carried. She's too big for a stroller now so I've bought her a special carry on of her own, Trunki. In theory a child should be able to ride on the Trunki - even be pulled through the airport if necessary.  It comes in various colors. She would have liked red, but I purchased blue due to a structural issue.

I chose the Terrence over the Ruby model because the red has two handles where the "seat" is. I couldn't envision Danielle sitting comfortably on those handles. I wanted to avoid ending up with one more piece of luggage for me or Kevin to carry. The Ruby is undeniably cuter, looking a bit like a ladybug. I've seen a cow model for sale on EBay. I think it would be great if Melissa & Doug made these 1) in more animal patterns and 2) for larger kids. Danielle is at the high end for this and we may only get one trip out of it as a ride on. Hopefully she will continue to use it as her carry on.

I'll pack a variety of toys and snacks to occupy her in the airport while we wait and on the plane. Toys will include Polly Pockets, an Olivia Carnival Play Set, ColorWonder Disney Princess Coloring Set and Dover Little Sticker books (Little Airport and Beach). Some are familiar, others are new. I'll open all of the new toys before I pack so that we're not fussing with packaging on the plane. You can't bring a wrapped gift in your carry on luggage, but I want to surprise her with some of these so I'll roll them into spare clothes. Maybe I can bring a few colored lunch bags and slip them inside without her noticing once we're onboard. I also know that the interior of the plane provides its own fun - light switches, headphones with music she can control, magazines to play "I Spy" with and, of course, barf bag puppets!

Danielle has inherited Amanda's Nintendo DS. She has one game of her own, Smart Girl PlayHouse. I bought a second SmartGirl game and her own headphones as as surprise.  I also ordered a car charger for the DS - and one for the IPad as well. That way they can entertain themselves during the long car rides between our families' houses. I like them to look out the windows and talk to us, but realistically we need a back up plan.

Right now I have no other special preparations for Danielle. I think that if she understands the process she'll enjoy it - and maybe, just maybe, we will too!

For my Listmania List go to Complete Packing