Friendships Change over time

Friendships Ebb & Flow Naturally

I watch my daughter flow effortlessly in and out of friendships. Her friendships are as uncomplicated as the tides. They ebb and flow based on common interests. There are no complications from political or religious viewpoints. While children make an effort not to hurt each other's feelings they have no problem disagreeing on issues. Their opinions  are limited to concrete thoughts - which is the best video game or flavor of ice cream. Their main concern is whether to play princess or ponies.

My adult friendships are so much more complicated and I wonder - "why?"

I think it's because we form opinions as we age. And, the older we get the more entrenched our opinions become. Remember being in college when you could stay up half the night debating politics? Now, I am almost immediately turned off by people whose political viewpoints don't mesh with mine.


Maintaining friendships with people who don't share your views becomes harder as you age. By our mid-forties we are fairly set in our ways. We've had years to determine what we think about the world and are prepared to defend our views.

If you listen to children introduce themselves the typical conversation goes something like this,"Hi. What's your name? Wanna play tag?" If the child is too shy to answer or says no, the kid moves on to the next person and tries again.

As adults we exchanges names, ask about career, neighborhood and where their kids go to school. All of these things help us to unconsciously paint a picture of the person. With a few quick, innocuous questions we create our initial assessment of how closely the person's viewpoints align with ours.

We can estimate their income by their job and neighborhood. This may help us determine if they share common interests and opinions. For instance, people from lower incomes may not have the resources to participate in certain activities. They are less likely to own boats,  play polo or snow ski than people from higher economic brackets. On the other hand, people with higher incomes may make us feel inferior as they may have bigger homes, fancier cars and more expensive clothing.  People from affluent areas tend to be Republicans and therefore more conservative in their political and social views.

Where the children attend school also gives us a lot of information. Does the child go to public or private school?  If the child attends a private school it may indicate that the parents are elitist or that they are deeply religious. If it's a private school is it experimental (Montessori, Waldorf, etc.) or religious? Parents who homeschool their children are typically conservative Christians. They have generally removed their children from public education because they don't believe in evolution, modern medicine and science.

 Like most people, my opinions are based on my education, upbringing and the area of the country where I was raised. They are further influenced by where I went to school, worked and lived as an adult. I am a registered Democrat, relatively liberal in my social and political views. I believe in medicine,  probability, physics and evolution. I doubt the power of prayer and question blind faith.

I have friends with religious beliefs ranging from Christian to Wiccan. For the most part I am tolerant of a wide range of religious beliefs simply because I have no strong belief of my own. I lose patience when people use their religion as a way to discriminate against others or try to convert me. At this point, I am as comfortable with my own lack of religion as I am with my political affiliation.

I think that I am fairly mainstream in my outlook, but I realize that I am only mainstream for the area of the country where I spent most of my life. Living in the Bible Belt I find myself having to swallow my views in the interest of maintaining harmony. I sometimes want to scream when a person who has been seeing a doctor to treat a condition will say that God healed them. I wonder why they bothered with doctor's visits and medical treatments if prayer is so very powerful. It seems inconsistent with their stated belief.

Part of the ebb and flow of childhood friendships is they are often short-lived. Children don't feel a need to maintain a friendship once the mutual interest has ended. I find myself struggling to maintain relationships with people who don't share my interests or even my values. Sometimes I have to maintain these "friendships" due to work relationships or mutual friends. Other times the individual has been a friend for years, but we have changed over time due to our experiences. Sometimes a friendship has simply run its course.

I was friendly with a woman with whom I routinely disagreed because our children played together. I found myself constantly struggling to politely ignore behaviors that struck me as odd or views that I considered ignorant. Her children landed in the hospital with severe dehydration from rota virus because she didn't believe in vaccinations. She hosted a "chicken pox party" to expose other unvaccinated kids to the disease. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when my daughter moved on to other friends.

I am not as tolerant as I once was. Honestly, I am tired of being friends with people who aren't like me. I hate how close-minded that sounds, but I can't ignore the truth. I do enjoy people from different cultures and backgrounds, but I am not comfortable with people who are dramatically different from me. I struggle with friends whose spouses have been arrested as I am fundamentally law-abiding. Having a medically fragile child, I struggle with people who rely on faith to make decisions that impact their child's health or welfare.

I find myself returning to the simpler childhood model of friendship. I make new friends based on common interests. I don't want to argue politics. I don't want to discuss religion. I don't want to hear about their problems or bond for life. I just want to meet someone and say,"Hi, wanna play?"

Preparing Your Home for a Home Health Care Provider

Preparing Your Home for a  Home Health Care Provider

When you decide to employ a home health aide there are a number of changes that you need to consider - both in your home and in your lifestyle. What will it be like having another person in your home for hours or even days at a time? If you are a private person it may feel like an invasion. On the other hand, for some folks its welcome companionship - someone they can rely on to visit  daily.

You need to make your home as safe as possible for both your family member and their caregiver. Remove objects that may be easily broken. Prevent tripping by removing small rugs, runners, electrical and phone cords from pathways. Place non-skid adhesive strips to non-carpeted stairs. Make sure that your home is well lit - especially stairs and hallways.

You may need to purchase items that you don't already have. Things you should have include, but aren't limited to:

• smoke detectors
• carbon monoxide detector
• nonslip bath rugs
• nonslip stickers or mat in the bathtub or shower
• grab bars by the toilet and in the shower/tub
• flame resistant potholders
• fire extinguisher

Having help when you have a family member with a disability can be a blessing. Another set of hands to help with care giving and household tasks can seem like a dream come true at first.

However, anyone who has employed a home care worker knows that the honeymoon period wears off.  My initial reaction was to treat the person like a member of the family while they were in our home.  I did this in part because I saw my parents struggle with the aides who cared from my mother.

My parents were very private people. They were brought up in a different era. The combination of these factors meant that they didn't want their live in aide dining with them. There was one fundamental problem with this idea- they only had one table. There was no where to sit and eat in the kitchen. Those poor women had to stand in the kitchen to eat their meals.

My parents wanted their aide to be "on call" but essentially out of sight. That meant that they were relegated to spending large parts of the day in their room or on the back deck, waiting for my parents to page them. Being a home health aide is a difficult, physically demanding job. The pay is poor and there are often no benefits. Adding social isolation must have made the job so much harder.

My mother was a little confused toward the end and some of her aides took advantage of her. While I was visiting one afternoon I saw her "tip" the aide five dollars three times for filing her nails that day. After my mom passed way small pieces of jewelry and other items were missing. I think that if my parents had been even a little more tolerant these small abuses might never have occurred.

On the other hand, I've learned that without some boundaries people may also take advantage of your good-nature. My daughter's aide is generally included in everything we do. She eats with us, hangs out in the living room and watches TV with us, etc .

In the past I've been so casual that people forgot they worked for us. Some have wanted to watch graphic crimes dramas with my daughter in the room. I didn't realize that one woman was using my laptop for online shopping until I went to several websites and the "Your Store" zip was set to her town. We've had aides show up with their children and their dogs.  One showed up before a job interview so she could use our shower!

In addition to making sure your aide knows what you want done, be clear about what NOT to do as well. While I don't want to create a feeling of distrust I do want to maintain a semblance of privacy in my home.  Some of these suggestions may make you feel ridiculous, but consider the alternatives. Be specific about any areas that are for family-only. I would rather hang a sign on my door than find someone up to their elbows in my underwear drawer. Let the person know if they are welcome to watch your TV (and what shows you would prefer they not watch), use your computer, etc. Here are a few tips based on my experience:

• If you don't want your aide to pry into your bedroom, master bathroom or office, you need to clearly post a "PRIVATE" sign on the door.
• Password protect your computers and cell phones. Lock file cabinets. Consider blocking unwanted content on your TV.
• Label dresser drawers, kitchen cabinets, etc. to prevent "I was just looking for..." If everyone knows where to find necessary items there is no reason to look elsewhere. Most people will respect your privacy, but there is always one person that wants to go through your pantry or medicine cabinet.
• If you have cherished heirlooms or valuables, move them out of sight or store them safely somewhere else. A spilled drink can accidentally ruin an antique table that looks "second hand"to an aide.

Be sure to interview any person or agency carefully before you hire them!



For more information on home safety for the elderly or individuals with special needs please go to http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/FCS-461.pdf

How to Write Instructions for your Home Health Aide

Home Health Aide Daily Care Plan & Instructions

When we first had a home health aide for my daughter the job seemed obvious to me. Not so to the various care workers who were assigned to her. Truthfully a home health care aide or companion typically has very little to do. A live-in aide can retire to his/her room and read or watch TV until you need their help. A part-time aide is in an awkward position because there isn't much to fill the time. I don't mind if the aides read, text or use their laptops - provided they meet my daughter's basic needs in a timely manner.

Do your homework when you hire an aide. It turns out that most people will only do exactly what is asked of them - no more, no less. For instance, with an elderly parent if you ask the caregiver to make a pot of coffee it is very possible that they will only make coffee on the day that you make that request. If your parent wants a pot of coffee made every morning with breakfast that needs to be specified. You need to prepare your home when you have someone working in it so they can find the things they need.

Review the instructions on equipment and procedures. Make sure that the aide has the written instructions available for any unique equipment like a lift. WATCH them perform complex tasks at least once to make sure that they are being thorough and safe. Don't trust that "showering" means the same thing to everyone. Some people may spray your family member down quickly, others may sit them in the shower and walk away for 10 minutes. Be specific about your expectations.

Review and provide instructions for all medications that the patient requires. Don't forget non-routine medications. For instance, if the person has an Epi Pen make sure the aide knows where it is and how to use it.

If you expect the person to prepare meals or snacks, make sure that they know where the ingredients are as well as what food preferences or allergies the person may have. When in doubt, provide a printed recipe including the location of all ingredients. Decide if the person will be eating with your family member and provide adequate quantities of food (obviously live-ins expect meals).

While it seemed ridiculous at first, I learned to provide a detailed list of each task that I wanted done every day.  Each task is described including the timing (after school, at dinner),  tools to be used (special cup, broom, etc.)  and the frequency (daily, weekly, etc.). I also include check boxes so the person can keep track of what has been completed each day.

The last section of my daily list includes safety instructions. Make sure that you have your address written down in the event of an emergency. You'd be amazed at how many people simply follow their GPS and have no idea where they are. If you are not going to be there at all times include your contact information on this page as well.

Here is an example of a daily care plan for a 4-hour after school shift for our daughter. Your plan may be more detailed depending on medical needs and the extent of home care tasks you expect.


Daily Home Care Plan for __________________      Date:  _____________

Tasks include, but are not limited to:

Personal Care

         Meet & get her off school bus using wheelchair

         Change clothing if wet or dirty immediately after school

         Toilet or/change Depends every 2 hours   

o   Completed  at     time _____________       time _____________   

o    Check  Depends immediately after school. Change after shower & before bed

o   Thrown wet/dirty Depend in kitchen trash can

         Provide afternoon snack (prepared in frig) Complete at time _____________   

         Assist with ambulation around house (maintain contact guard at all times)

         Assist with TV remote, computer, etc.

         Shower daily    Completed at time _____________   

         Brush hair daily after shower

         Wash hair on Wednesdays   Completed date _____________   

         Assist with feeding during meals & snacks

o   Cut food into bite sized pieces for finger feeding

o   Assist with use of spoon or fork (may need to feed her)

o   Place dirty dishes, cups and utensils in the sink

         Provide companionship & supervision at all times

     Maintain safe environment while parents are away or otherwise occupied.

Home Care

         Make bed daily    Completed at time _____________   

         Fold & put away laundry as needed (2-3 times a week)

         Dust & vacuum bedroom on Mondays (weekly)  Date _____________   

o   Use Swiffer dusters and Shark carpet sweeper

         Clean bathroom on Fridays (weekly)    Date _____________   

o   Use disinfecting wipes to wipe down toilet & bathtub

o   Lift no slip mat and place on shower chair to air dry

Safety    I can be reached at 555-555-1234

Never allow her to walk around the house alone – be with her at all times.

Watch for choking while eating and drinking.

In the event of a clonic/tonic seizure (grand mal):

1.    Ensure her safety - roll her to her side, if possible

2.    Call 911 The address here is 123 Main Street Anywhere,ST

3.    Administer medication per instructions on label (outer pocket of blue backpack)

For insights on the aide's perspective please go to http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/21/advice-from-a-home-health-aide/

When Your Best Friend is a Bully

When Your Best Friend is a Bully

This week Danielle did something that would be hard for most adults - she broke up with her best friend.

I had seen this child hitting her with a plastic sword and forcing her to sit in the hall outside of his room. When I mentioned it to his mother (we could both see it happening) she said "that's how he treats his sister." She clearly considered it acceptable behavior.

When we got home I talked to Danielle about it. She told me that he had been shutting her in his closet and not letting her out. Kevin & I asked how she felt about that. She said that it made her sad.

We explained that no one should ever treat her like that - good friends don't put their friends in closets. She took a day to come to terms with it. Then she crossed her arms defiantly across her chest and announced that she "never, ever, ever wanted to play with him again."  I'm so proud of her for coming to that decision on her own and being able to walk away.

When I tried to talk to the mother about it her response was "oh, kids will be kids" and "its just a game."

NO -it's not. It's not a game when one person feels bad. It's bullying.

I had a bully for a best friend when I was a child. The difference is that I never told my parents. My best friend from 2nd grade through 8th grade insulted me, hit me and kicked me. She made me feel like I deserved to be treated that way. As we got older she told me that I was ugly and stupid. To this day I am ashamed to admit that it happened. I'm ashamed that I never told anyone. I'm even ashamed to be admitting it now - 35 years later.

Looking back I realize that my friend grew up in a tempestuous household. Chances are very good that she was being abused and taking her aggression out on me. It makes me wonder what is happening at Danielle's friend's house. I'm so glad that this didn't get out of hand and damage her self-esteem for years.

I grew up in an era where we chanted "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." Bullying was a fact of childhood life in the 1970s. I know my brother was bullied. I doubt my parents realized that I was, too because I never told them.

That's why I'm so proud of Danielle. The courage it takes to stand up to a bully is phenomenal. Now I know that she is strong enough to handle almost anything that comes her way - and smart enough to tell us when she can't handle it alone. My brave girl.

http://www.eyesonbullying.org/childcare.html

Sidewalk Chalk Countdown to Walt Disney World

Sidewalk Chalk Countdown to Walt Disney World

The Disney movie Mary Poppins came out the year I was born (now you know how old I am!). My mother loved the original P.L. Travers books so its no wonder that when I was old enough to go to the movies this is the first movie I ever saw. (We didn't have blu-ray in the dark ages, you know.) So, with a tip of my hat to one of Burt's odd jobs my daughter and I made a series of sidewalk drawings to count down an upcoming trip to Walt Disney World. It was an impulse project so we used dry chalk. If you plan on doing this, soak your chalk ahead of time for a few hours. You'll get lovely, vibrant colors that will last - and no dust!

We started by numbering the squares on our front walk.

I drew the outlines for some of our favorite Characters.

My daughter helped to color them in.

I started with Pluto - my favorite!

Cinderella Castle got a colorful makeover courtesy of my daughter.

We finished (as all good days at Disney do) with fireworks.

We had a great time playing count down to Disney games!

Now, if only we could jump into the Castle picture like Burt & Mary did - we'd already be at Walt Disney World!

Questions to Consider Asking a Home Health Care Agency

Questions to Ask a Home Health Care Agency

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a lawyer or insurance professional. Please check the local laws and regulations in your state.

We've had a home health care aide for my child with special needs for roughly 10 months. We located an agency through a list of state -approved providers. However, some of the caregivers they sent were completely unsatisfactory. For instance, one casually mentioned during a family dinner that her own family had called child protective services on her several times.

Another time an frail woman who appeared to be about 70 showed up. I was afraid she'd fall and break a hip! I ended up making her tea and letting her watch TV until the end of her shift. In my opinion, she couldn't handle the physical challenge of working with a 125 pound, autistic and mobility impaired person.

I finally discovered that the agency (which was approved by my state Medicaid) hired through Craigslist. Applicants were required to pay for their own background checks, but were allowed to start assignments before providing the agency with the results.

The agency was hiring them as independent contractors. These individuals had no worker's compensation insurance. Several told me that they had no personal health insurance. What would have happened if they were hurt on the job in my house? Most likely we would have been sued.

When I contacted the home health care agency I asked about these issues (none of which they refuted.) I also asked if they had any general liability insurance in case my child was injured by one of the people they sent to our home. The answer was that the business was insured, but the coverage only extended to their physical place of business (the office.) If my child was hurt or abused by someone they sent over I would be free to sue the individual involved!

These practices put both my family and the caregiver at risk. I had to ask the state to help me locate a more suitable agency. Rest assured that I asked A LOT of questions before I agreed to a new agency!

So, as a precaution to others I've compiled the following list of questions.

If you have a home health care or home care worker in your home, consider asking the agency* the following questions:

Are the workers you send to my home employees or independent contractors? This is important because the agency isn’t paying payroll taxes on independent contractors – including worker’s compensation insurance.

If an independent contractor is hurt on the job in your home or driving on your business you can be sued for medical costs and lost wages. Do not rely on Homeowners Insurance coverage to protect you, unless the insurance carrier has confirmed coverage for this risk. Many insurance companies have specific riders that can be added – at a cost- to cover in-home caregivers

Does the agency have general liability insurance?
In the event that your child or family member is injured while being cared for by an employee of the agency does the agency have coverage to pay for related medical expenses? Ask to see the documentation.

Does the agency have theft insurance?
Have employees been bonded? In the unfortunate case of theft by a caregiver is there insurance coverage to help you recover financially?  Ask to see the documentation.

Has the applicant had a criminal background check, drug screen and employment (not personal) references contacted?
Just because caregiver is provided by an agency or registry doesn’t mean that adequate screening has occurred. A number of smaller agencies recruit though Craigslist. Applicants may or not have been interviewed in person. 

Is the worker First Aid/CPR certified?
Tell the agency what your specific needs are. Don't assume that the worker will know how to operate your equipment, assist with transfers, etc.

Ask things such as: Has the caregiver had any specialized training (familiarity with equipment/supplies, received training in a specific illness, etc.)?  Are they capable of meeting any lifting requirements?

Does the caregiver have adequate auto insurance coverage?
If not, and the caregiver gets in a car accident in the course of running errands on your behalf, then you may be held liable for the damages caused by the caregiver.

 *If you hire an in-home caregiver yourself ensure that you have similar coverage!

If you hire a home care worker privately, you are not required to provide workers compensation (unless they are being paid through a funded program such as CCSP/PSS in Georgia.)

Like any employer, you must abide by the applicable disclosure and authorization provisions if you elect to perform a background check. You should only have a background check conducted by a professional third party. Do not attempt to do it yourself. If you elect to have a background check done be sure to adhere to all legal requirements regarding privacy and disclosure.

If you are hiring the worker privately be sure to have clear job guidelines including specific lifting requirements and safety precautions.

If the worker is injured lifting your family member, slips in a wet bathroom, etc. are you prepared for the financial costs of covering their lost wages and medical costs? What if they sue you – do you have an umbrella policy on your homeowners insurance that will protect you?

What if you are robbed by them? Will your insurance cover the damages?

If they injure your family member are you equipped to handle the related medical costs?

Be sure the worker knows what is expected of them while on the job in your home and that you have made your home safe for both the caregiver and your family member.

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a lawyer or insurance professional. Please check the local laws and regulations in your state.

The Firefly Party

Firefly Party

"Fireflies" by Owl City*

You would not believe your eyes

If ten million fireflies

Lit up the world as I fell asleep...

I confess - I love Fireflies. I love their almost magical blinking,  like fairies flickering in the night.

Growing up we had several acres of meadow behind our house. Fireflies winked in and out of the long grasses all summer long. I remember laying on the lawn with my brother trying to count them. Now fireflies are endangered due to diminishing habitats. Increased use of pesticides and well-manicured lawns give fireflies nowhere to hide during the day (an excuse to stop mowing the lawn in late June!)

In a tribute to the long summer nights of my childhood we've invited some friends over for an informal Firefly Party. We've invited everyone for dusk - about 8:00 PM. We're close to the Central Time Zone and approaching the longest day of the year so true dark isn't until almost 9:00 PM. Pretty late for five year olds! I've suggested that the kids all wear PJs and bug spray.

The party is all about light, but we don't want to flood the yard with artificial light because that will make it hard for the fireflies to signal each other. And they need to signal each other to find a mate.

Decorating will be simple. We'll set up tiki torches and string white lights. Light up balloons and Sky Lanterns from WalMart complete the decorations.We'll pitch a tent on the lawn and light our fire pit.

Since it is an impromptu party we'll keep the food simple: s'mores and bug juice for the kids. We'll have chips, veggies and dip for adults who don't want s'mores. I was happy to discover a true Southern specialty, Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka for the adult drinks! Inspired by a drink I ordered at Disney World, blinking "ice" cubes in every one's drink will add the finishing touch.

We'll give the kids glow sticks and bug jars from Dollar Tree. I even discovered some glow in the dark bubbles! At the end of the party we'll light the Sky lanterns and each family will send one into the night sky with their wish.
 

Kid's Bug Juice Recipe

• 2 10-oz. packages frozen strawberries, defrosted and pureed in a blender
• 1 6-oz. can lemonade concentrate, thawed
• 1 qt. ginger ale or Sprite

Firefly Half and Half
(This is basically an alcoholic Arnold Palmer.)

• 3 oz. Firefly Sweet Tea Flavored Vodka
• 3 oz. Lemonade
• One Lemon Twist

*this song is my ringtone when my husband calls

  

This was our wish lantern lighting from New Year's Eve 2011.

Making the Most of Magical Service at Walt Disney World

Magical Moments at Walt Disney World

If you are going to Walt Disney World you have already heard about the wonderful service you'll receive from most of the "Cast Members." Many years ago I was fortunate enough to attend a Disney Institute seminar. There I learned how deep the Disney service mentality runs. There is a reason the staff are called "Cast" - they have all been carefully cast and trained for their roles in making your stay magical. To them you aren't a client or a patron - you are a GUEST. And they will do their best to treat you like a Guest.

"You can dream, create, design, and build
the most wonderful place in the world…

but it takes people to make it a reality". – Walt Disney

You'll notice that with very few exceptions, Disney staff ("Cast Members") always smile. They are polite and courteous. They look for opportunities to be helpful. They are proud of the place where they work and will work to maintain it. Any Cast member will stop to pick up a piece of trash in the Park - they wouldn't wait for custodial services thinking "that's not my job."

So - with a reputation for excellent service how can you get even better service? Simple - think and act like a Cast Member.

First and easiest - SMILE. After all, you're in Disney World, what's not to smile about?

Next try these simple strategies. Look your servers in the eye and smile before you place your order. Read their name tag and use their name when asking for something. Introduce yourself & your kids. If you are eating in your resort chances are you may see your server more than once. Make yourself memorable. Talk to them! Joke with them, brighten up their day for a change.

Thank the housekeepers (called "Mousekeeping") if you see them in the hall - and leave them a tip every day. The staff assignments change daily and you may have different housekeepers on different days.

Thank the person managing the queue at an attraction no matter how long you've been waiting. Thank your bus driver, the monorail porter, the boat captain. Thank your host and your server at meals. Thank the person cleaning the washroom. Thank anyone who helps you - whether its holding a door or cleaning up a mess.

 

And what can you except for all of your gracious behavior? Well, you shouldn't expect anything, but you may be surprised by what you get. You may return to your room to find fun towel animals. Your server may remember how you take your morning coffee. You may get a special message with your dessert or a surprise side order of your favorite food. Your child may get to see the wheelhouse of the ferryboat or dance in a parade.

By simply being nice to people we've gotten all kinds of pleasant little surprises. For instance, my daughter once accidentally dumped a brand new box of popcorn on the sidewalk at Hollywood Studios. A Cast Member appeared out of nowhere to sweep up the mess. We thanked him and helped scoop up the popcorn before we walked off. The next thing we know - he was standing next to my daughter handing her a brand new souvenir bucket of popcorn - free!

Once we wanted some cold drinks from a cart at EPCOT. The Cast Member politely informed us that she couldn't take credit cards. We smiled, told her we understood , thanked her and turned away. A minute later she was walking with us, giving me cold bottles of water - again, free!

The list of our magical moments goes on and on-- a free lollipop at Magic Kingdom, free sushi samples at the Polynesian, free ice cream cones at Storybook Treats - even a private boat on The Gran Fiesta Tour Starring the Three Caballeros in the Mexico Pavilion at EPCOT.

Disney encourages Cast members to create these magical moments. You'd be surprised at the leeway they have to make things just a little nicer for you if you are just a little nicer to them. Think of how many times a day Cast Members hear someone complain about the cost of a meal, the length of the line, the heat... It's not their fault. The don't make the prices or control the weather- they just work there. Chances are they are also hot, possibly bored - maybe even having a bad day. They rarely let it show. Regardless of their mood or personal experience Cast Members sincerely try to focus on Guests' happiness.

Ask anyone who has been to Disney, chances are they will have a few magical moments of their own to share with you.

So, why not give back to the folks who work so tirelessly to make our Disney dreams come true? To recognize a cast member right away you can go to guest relations and ask for a guest compliment card. The card will be placed in the Cast Member's file. You can send an e-mail to wdw.guest.communications@disneyworld.com. I always send emails to Disney after our vacations complimenting the Cast Members who made these moments magical.

You may find that kindness brings some sweet rewards. And, if nothing comes of your good behavior- what's the harm? It costs nothing to be nice and you may make some one else's day a little more magical.

Can I Get the Disney Dining Plan if I'm not staying at a Disney Resort?

Disney Dining Plan

You've probably heard a lot about the Disney Dining Plan. Maybe you know someone who has been to Disney World with the Dining Plan and come back raving about it. You, however, are staying with friends or relatives, so you have to ask,"Can I get the Disney Dining Plan if I'm staying somewhere else?"

In a word, NO. According to the official Walt Disney World website, "Disney dining plans are options available exclusively to Guests of select Walt Disney World Resort hotels with Magic Your Way Vacation Packages."

There are pros and cons to this,my friend.

Con: Most people with the Dining Plan try to maximize their table service credits by using them for the most expensive meals available - dinners and Character Meals as well as Signature Meals & Dinner Shows. What this means for you if you aren't on a Dining Plan: Dinner reservations at any Character Meal or well-known Table Service restaurant are going to be very hard to come by. (Trust me, I've been in your shoes & tried.)

Pro: This frees up reservations at great restaurants for lunch! Character breakfasts and lunches are also fairly easy to get. And, even better for you - these are the least expensive restaurant meals.

We had no problems getting reservations at the Princess Breakfast at Akershus and lunch at Sanaa on short notice. Check out the menus - lunch & dinner entrees are often very similar so you won't be missing out on the famed specialities of the house. You'll just be getting them at a lower price.

Nine Dragons

Another upside - anyone with the Dining Plan probably wants to use their Counter/Quick service or Snack credits for lunch. You avoid the crowds at these places if you chose a Table Service restaurant for lunch. No waiting in long lines with hungry kids at lunchtime. And you get to eat in air conditioned comfort! We walked into Nine Dragons at EPCOT and were seated immediately for lunch.

Pro: At dinner the opposite is true. Many people are eating at table service restaurants so you can eat at the less expensive (and less crowded) Counter & Quick Service Restaurants without long lines. And that means you have more time for rides in the cooler evening hours!

Con: You have to budget for your meals and pay for them every day. It can be hard to look at a $150 bill for a Character breakfast. Paying for the combined package removes some of the sticker shock. It's a bit like removing a band aid - you just rip it off and are done.

Sunshine Seasons

I know - you're worried that not having the Dining Plan may cost you more money and one of your goals to staying off property was to save a little money. Here's my comparison:

OPTION A: STAYING AT A DISNEY REOSRT
Right now (May 2012) the estimate for a 6 night stay in a Family Suite at the Disney All Star Music Resort with Magic Your Way Plus Dining was roughly $4,500 (not including taxes) for our family of four (2 adults, 1 junior, 1 child). The costs will vary somewhat according to the ages of your children. Kids under 3 are free (but don't get any meal credits). Children 10 and over are counted as adults and priced accordingly.

There are undoubtedly a few incidental expenses even with the Magic Your Way package. For instance, alcoholic and speciality drinks as well as most photo packages aren't included in the Dining Plan. Somehow, I bet most people end up paying for a few extras even if they are on the Dining Plan.

Sushi at the Kona Cafe

Tips aren't included in the price of the Dining Plan package. After a meal the receipt will show the credits someone on the Dining Plan used for that meal as well as "Guest ID" which is "Gratuity and other charges not covered by the Disney Dining Plan, charged to room." Most bills include a small card describing the suggested gratuity - typically 18-20%. Let's say the parents each order one alcoholic drink per dinner at $8-10 per glass. For a family like ours tips & drinks over 6 nights would add about $175-250 to the cost of dining. So the total is probably over $5,000 for the trip when you include taxes.

Staying at a Disney Resort gives you lots of amenities - a beautiful lobby and pools, on site restaurants and shops, proximity to parks or park transportation. You also get special services like delivery of any park purchases to your resort so you don't have to carry bags all day or worry about your souvenirs being stolen. You can use the Disney Magic Express so you don't even have to rent a car if you fly. And, of course, you can take advantage of the Extra Magic Hours that allow you to arrive early or stay late at a particular park.

Personally, I love the idea of a Magic Your Way plus Dining Plan. Its essentially an "all inclusive" option for your vacation. You don't have to worry about pulling out your wallet as many times during the day. You can focus on finding the ultimate souvenir without concern about maxing out your credit card. You don't have to cook, wash dishes or make your own beds. If you enjoy eating out and can eat the amount of food served at a Disney dinner then you are probably getting your money's worth.

Sanaa

OPTION B: STAYING IN A RENTAL HOUSE
We rented a three bedroom house with a private pool for $805 for six nights (not including taxes). We have to pay for our Park tickets separately ($1,049) so we're up to approximately $2,000 with taxes. If you are staying off property you probably plan on eating a few meals wherever you are already. We will eat one meal a day at the house - probably breakfast, but it might be dinner. The question is can we eat, drive and park for less than the $2,500+ difference?

Parking was $14 a day. You only have to pay once per day - just hold on to your receipt. So for 6 days estimate $84. Assume $150 for groceries and another $150 for gas. Our main meals tend to be lunches - which average about half of what dinners cost. Assume we spend $400 on table service meals - and another $250 on quick service meals and snacks. I estimate our total meal & parking costs to be about $1,000. Our grand total comes to roughly $3,000. We have to expend more effort driving, parking, etc. but we save about $2,000 by staying off property and paying for meals a la carte. That's almost enough for another trip!

So, ask yourself which is more important for the trip YOU are planning - saving money or immersing yourself in all that is Disney?

Front hall - rental house