Amanda has had a caregiver for nearly two years. Finding the right person is extremely difficult. First you need to determine whether you are hiring the person directly or using an agency.
The ideal situation is to hire someone you know or someone who has been referred by a friend or neighbor. It isn't always possible. If you use an agency you will have a stranger in your home. I've been fascinated (appalled?) by the stories some of caregivers provided by agencies have shared with me.
All of the caregivers we've had have passed a mandatory background check so you'd think their pasts and personal lives would be free and clear. Think again.
Laws vary on checking criminal history depending on your state. Some states don't allow questions about arrests or convictions beyond a certain point in the past. Others only allow consideration of criminal history for certain positions.
Most states allow a check for felony convictions in the past three years. A felony is a crime which carries a jail term of more than 12 months. So, a clear background check only confirms that the person hasn't been convicted of something like assault resulting in injury or with a weapon, a theft of over $500, sale of illegal drugs or rape.
Here's the catch. The words felony and conviction. People can plea bargain a felony charge down to a misdemeanor in exchange for cooperating with the authorities.
How do I know this? A caregiver told me that she had been to jail for selling drugs and carrying a concealed weapon, but the charges had been reduced because she had provided information about other dealers.
There is also the issue of associates. One caregiver complained to me about how hard it was for her and her boyfriend to find a place to live. Why? Because he was convicted of statutory rape and had restrictions about living within certain distances of schools, parks, etc.
Another caregiver told me that she had lost custody of her own children in her divorce because she was living with a convicted sex offender.
Others told me about minor arrest records for offenses like driving under the influence of alcohol. Traffic violations often show up on a background check as they are public information. The agency knew about these but didn't disclose the information to me. This is critical as aides may need to transport Amanda to doctors and therapist appointments. What if one of them had been driving drunk with Amanda in the car?
In addition to potentially dangerous situations I've had many aides who just have a terrible work ethic. I've had aides show up late, fall asleep on the couch during the day, bring their kids and their pets -- one even took a shower while she was supposed to be caring for my daughter. I've had aides ask to take home my extra set of dishes, buy them expensive gifts or order takeout food for them. I've had caregivers spend hours on their phones or IPads; others who have refused to do parts of the job like getting Amanda off the bus if it was cold or raining.
"Keep in mind that aides are employees; don't try to make them your friends. "People are so happy to have help that they often treat the employee like a friend, and that creates problems down the line," says Dollar. If your employee thinks of herself as your pal, she may be more likely to take liberties... The bottom line: keep it professional."
On the other hand, their poor decision making skills make me uncomfortable having them in my home caring for my disabled child. Amanda can't speak. If someone steals something, shows up drunk or mistreats her there is no way she can tell me.
I don't know the secret to finding a good caregiver, but I've certainly had plenty of experience with bad caregivers!
