Gift Suggestions for a Developmentally Delayed Young Adult

It's the Christmas season again!


Not every person with a disability is cognitively impaired, many are brilliant, contributing members of society. For those of us whose child will always remain child-like regardless of their chronological age, things can get tricky when it comes to providing gift suggestions to relatives and well-meaning friends.

If you are reading this because you are one of those generous individuals, THANK YOU.


Amanda is now a young lady - 17 years old as of last week. Still, in many ways she's the same kid she was when I wrote my Stocking Stuffer post years ago. It's crazy how HARD it is to buy gifts for her! She loves presents, but she has the same interests and abilities that she had 5 years ago (10 years ago to be truthful.) It feels weird to us as her parents and even stranger to the rest of the family to keep buying her toys geared toward 3-5 year olds, but that is what she likes and wants.

As my circle of friends with adult of children with special needs expands internationally I realize that we are not alone in this. For some reason, most of our kids develop a fixation on a special character or movie and rarely move beyond it. A friend in the U.K. has an adult son who carries his Teletubby everywhere with him. A boy in Amanda's class loves Elmo and "Pooh Bear". Amanda shares a love of Elmo and also loves Barney and the Wiggles.

As parents sometimes we get lucky and our child develops an attachment to what might be considered a more age-appropriate interest, for example Amanda's interest in High School Musical and the Jonas Brothers.  Friends in Europe report kids that love certain soccer or rugby teams.  The biggest problem comes when things are no longer produced for a certain franchise.

One of the best/worst gifts Amanda ever received was her IPad. She LOVES it. It goes everywhere with her.  We had hoped that she'd use it for communication, but mainly she uses it to watch YouTube videos. (Typical 17 year old!) So, from that perspectives its great. It's age-appropriate. She can be entertained anywhere with WiFi. The negative aspect is that it is almost all she ever wants to do. (Again- yay for typical teen!) 

Not every person with a developmental delay understands money. Gift cards for apps and ITunes are great - but she doesn't understand that the things on her IPad were purchased so the cards are meaningless to her. (Great for us, however.) Any gift card needs to come with something else to be held when it's opened so that she understands that she has received a gift, not just a bit of plastic.  Even though they are outdated including a CD or DVD/BluRay with a gift card helps her understand what she has received.


The rule of thumb when giving a gift to ANYONE is to consider what the individual would like or need, not what you think they "should" have. If a 27 year old young man loves Elmo, buy him an Elmo book or DVD. It may feel odd to you, but he will be thrilled. Don't worry that other young men might want a trendy watch or a bottle of booze. Buy each person what will make them happy. You don't need to match the dollar amount with what you spend on your other grandchildren or nephews or friends. Or, if you feel you do, give a portion of the amount to the parents/caregivers in the form of a gift card, but don't shy away from giving a physical gift to the young man or woman.

Big ticket items that have been huge hits in the past include an Ipad, an electronic keyboard, a TIVO to watch streaming TV without cable like PBS shows (also Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hulu, etc. with paid subscriptions)

What you might buy your old auntie who is in a wheelchair or has Alzheimer's is not a good guideline for what to buy an autistic or developmentally disabled adult.

Contrary to what most online sources recommend Amanda does NOT like to get clothing. Imagine a
typically three year old opening a box of clothes. It gets tossed to the side and she's off to the next gift. Also, she does not like stuffed animals or cuddly blankets. Lots of people with special needs have an aversion to very soft or fluffy objects, even though it seems counter-intuitive.

She also doesn't like food gifts. She is a picky eater because she has difficulty chewing and swallowing.  Baking her cookies, while very kind, is a waste of time.

If you're not sure what he or she would like - feel free to ask them (if they can talk) or their parents or caregivers. If you're not comfortable asking them, here are my picks for Amanda this year.


Toys:
VTech Call and Chat Learning Phone I chose this because you can "add and store up to 5 family or friend numbers"I thought she might learn her phone number and a few others 

LeapFrog Learning Remote This might be a little too immature for her, but it was inexpensive and she enjoys pushing buttons

Fisher Price Learn with Lights Piano  This is rated for very young children. However it appears to have nice music, three levels of play and easy to push buttons.  Not sure about this one yet.

Equipment:
Headphones - wireless headphones for her I Pad.  These come in lots of colors so they are sort of a fun gift, but any others would be just as good

Durable Ipad case this one has decent shock absorbency, a handle and can be propped up. Still, accidents can happen and screens can crack...

From a parental perspective raising a child with special needs gets very expensive. There are lots of things that would help Amanda that I would like to receive as gifts (a portable wheelchair ramp, straw cups and adaptive utensils, etc.) However, she might not consider these good gifts. If you are feeling exceptionally generous equipment is a great gift for the family - just make sure that you include something small that the person can unwrap as well!

DVDs:
Amanda watches a lot of movies on her Ipad and loves You Tube. At this point we only pull out DVDs for car trips. If there is a favorite TV show that is still airing, search the name of the show and the current year to find the most recent release. DVDs of Barney, Sesame Street, etc. type are typically under $10.

Elmo The Musical 2 Even though she watches most thing on line this gives her a gift to open so it's a better option than paying for a streaming video  

The Best of Elmo 3 Same concept. 

It's Showtime with Barney! Ditto

Miscellaneous
 Fiber Optic Color Changing Lamp visually stimulating

OR Lava Lamp visually stimulating

Magazines - I'll put several in a gift bag. A subscription is a great idea for her becuase it means that she gets a "present" every month.

Thin, paperback books like Elmo Loves You! - I typically buy these at Dollar Tree or at the Dollar Stop in Target.

Lots of people with special needs like to have something to manipulate. For Amanda, it's books, catalogs and magazines. I have a friend whose daughters love bubble wrap.  Some people really enjoy stickers or fidget toys. These small items make great stocking stuffers or wrap a bunch of them together for a larger gift.


These suggestions are suitable for someone with a cognitive age of about a kindergartner. Amanda has impaired vision but is not blind. She is non-verbal, but can hear and understands what is said to her. She has limited fine motor coordination and some ability to walk. 

For stocking stuffer ideas please see http://imperfectlypossible.blogspot.com/2012/11/stocking-stuffers-for-children-with.html  

Also check out this article http://abc7chicago.com/shopping/gift-ideas-for-children-adults-with-disabilities/1102491/

Please note: My links are all to Amazon, but that's just because its easy for me. You can find the same items (possibly at better prices) elsewhere. I'm not compensated by Amazon in any manner.