How to LOSE Volunteers

10 wonderful ways to drive volunteers away 


1)  Make me feel unwelcome. This was an actual sign taped to the back of an office chair. "NO ONE may sit in this chair except the Director - even when she is not here." Huh?  What if there are no other free chairs? 

2)  Don't have anything for me to do when I show up.   I love waking up early on  a Saturday morning only to sit around with nothing to do, no one to talk to and no hot coffee.

If there is nothing for me to do, I'm not going to waste my time.

3) Be rude.  Once I attended a parent teacher organization meeting that felt made me feel like I was back in middle school. The PTO President felt entitled to yell at and berate every other adult in the room.

If you criticize me or insult me, I will leave.  It's not like quitting is going to impact my resume.

4) Give me the job no one else wants.  Trust me, if no one else wants the job I won't either. A twenty-year old may be willing to do grunt work to gain experience. A 40 year old probably won't.

Don't expect volunteers to "pay their dues" by doing the dirty work before they get to do what they came to do. Many of them paid their dues in other organizations and are offering you the value of their experience. Don't waste it on menial jobs. I once saw a great cartoon that said," Well... I could help with your filing and general office work or you could take advantage of my 25 years experience in corporate development..."

5) Rub it in that you get paid and I don't. Just because I am working for free doesn't mean that my work is worthless. It has as much value as anyone else working there.

One time I volunteered for an organization that presented their employees with bonuses at the annual party. Sort of sucked for the dozens of others who had dedicated hundreds of unpaid volunteer hours - and had paid to attend the party!

6)  Talk down to me.  Act as if you don't trust me with any responsibility. I was once told,  "If you catch on, maybe we'll teach you to laminate in a few weeks." Wow. I'm so glad that I went to graduate school..

7) Collect my resume and check my references  - then ignore my ideas.  There is nothing I like more than being told to stop making suggestions. Why ask for a resume if you have no intention of using my skills?

Being open to new ideas costs you nothing. It won't take away from your existing daily operations and it might result in some new publicity or an exciting opportunity. Just because no one in your organization has done something before, doesn't mean its not worth trying.

8) Use social media to post blanket criticism. It's so much easier to blame everyone than talk to the individual responsible. One institution regularly posted " housekeeping notes" on their Facebook page detailing all of the mistakes volunteers had made that week. A post chastising someone (even an unnamed someone) for a forgetting to lock a door or put away equipment makes everyone feel bad. And no, putting a smiley face emoji at the end doesn't soften the blow.

9) Play favorites.  Give t-shirts, coozies, birthday cakes, etc.  to your "key volunteers" but not anyone else. Really emphasize that some of us are outsiders. It worked so well for the pigs in Animal Farm, right?

Of course when it comes time to collect for a group gift, make sure that you ask me for money. I'd hate to be left out...

10) Assume that I am grateful to be there. Make sure that I know that if I don't do the crappy work you've assigned me I'll never get to do anything interesting. Act like you're doing me a favor by letting me help. Don't bother to say "thank you" or "good job" because the privilege of volunteering for your organization should be enough for me.



About Me: I have 5 hours each day when both girls are in school. I just need to shop, cook and clean. This doesn't take 25 hours a week. Okay, it might if I was a better cleaner or more interested in cooking, but as it is I have free time. I chose to use that free time to volunteer. I could play cards, go to the gym, get my hair or nails done, walk on the beach or pursue a hobby. However, as it is my choice to volunteer, I chose wisely. There are hundreds of organizations looking for free help. I only donate my time to those that value me. 

EVERY thing I mention above has really happened to me over the years. It has always fascinated me that some organizations don't understand basic psychology. While having  five key volunteers is great, having fifty with a variety and breadth of skills and experience is so much better. So many organizations become private clubs and as such miss out on potential volunteers, donations and grant opportunities. I guess that leaves more for the truly well-run, professional groups.



For more positive suggestions on keeping volunters, go to   http://nonprofit.about.com/od/volunteers/tp/whatvolunteerswant.htm

Gift Suggestions for a Developmentally Delayed Young Adult, Part 2

If you can't think of things to give, consider giving the person an experience.


Oddly, Amanda doesn't sit through movies, but many of her friends enjoy them. A movie gift certificate might make an excellent gift.

For Amanda's friend that loves Elmo tickets to Sesame Street Live would be a thrill. For a Thomas-lover, consider tickets to the touring stage show or a Day Out with Thomas where they can visit and ride on the "real" Thomas. These are all things we have taken Amanda to and she has enjoyed very much.

Some of Amanda's best gifts have been experiences. When she was 7 she got tickets to see The Wiggles Live. When she was 9 she got tickets to see Disney on Ice. It was High School Musical so she was thrilled.  Disney also typically has a touring show of some sort featuring familiar characters.  If the person is Christian, they might enjoy seeing the VeggieTales live. You can also try Hit Entertainment's franchises like Barney, Fireman Sam, Bob the Builder, Angelina Ballerina - you'd be amazed how many touring stage shows there are! Most people love to get out and see something new.

We've noticed that Amanda does better with shows that appear to be cartoons (i.e., people in big animal costumes or puppets.) She is less patient with live actors. As long as there is enough stimulus for Amanda she is completely engaged in live performances. She does tend to think that intermission means the end of the show, but other than that she responds really well to shows with a lot of music.  She would NOT sit through The Nutcracker, however, or a symphony.

This is the time to consider the person's intellectual and emotional development. Stop and ask yourself before you buy tickets, would a typical three year old (or whatever the person's developmental age is) enjoy this? be able to sit through it? understand it? If the answer to ANY of those questions is "no" then keep looking for ideas.

Options to consider include:

• the circus
• local puppet shows
• high school productions of familiar stories (Cinderella, Little Mermaid, etc.)

Some people might like to go out to eat, but not all of them. Amanda likes to eat at the food court at the mall because she likes the stimulus, but eating at a sit-down restaurant is not her idea of fun. If you decide to give a gift card to a restaurant make sure that it is one the person likes and will enjoy. As odd as it sounds, McDonald's or Burger King gift cards might be better than a "nice" restaurant
for an adult with developmental delays. Amanda thinks going to the McDonalds drive-thru is a big treat!

I have two suggestions if you are considering giving an experience rather than a physical gift.

1) Have something symbolizing the experience for the person to unwrap. Tickets and notes can be too abstract for some people with special needs to understand. For example, if you are giving tickets to Disney on Ice, then wrap up a small Disney figure, stuffed animal or inexpensive book with the tickets so they can make the connection.

2) Make sure there is someone to go to the event with the person. In an ideal world the gift giver would accompany the recipient, but that's not always possible. If you can't go, make sure that the person has a guest to accompany them, to help them negotiate the venue, etc. Be sure to include a ticket for the chaperone!

Lastly, don't overlook family memberships as gifts. In the past Amanda has been given a family membership (or an Individual +1) that allowed us to go places that we might not have otherwise tried. Try to think of a place that might have special appeal to the recipient.  Think beyond the surface. You might not think a Science Museum would be a good destination, when in fact, they often offer a lot of hands on experiences which are ideal for individuals with developmental disabilities. People with this type of disability often enjoy tactile experiences, cause and effect and interactive displays.

Art museums, historical sites, and history museums might not be the best choices. However, you might have an art museum near you with an excellent kids area, creative programming or something else that would make it especially appealing. Amanda adored Fernbank Museum of Natural History in Atlanta because it had a good children's area and an IMAX. I know another young woman with mild special needs who loves creating art. A gift certificate to a paint you own pottery place or an art museum would be her dream gift.

Make sure that you take a little time to read through the various programs and exhibits before you buy a membership. Look for words like "hands on", interactive", "family-friendly." Also be sure to check accessibility! To our surprise even in this era of ADA access, not all public spaces are accessible. A lovely local museum in Providence is housed in an antique building - you have to be able to climb multiple steps to enter - so it's off our list. As are many of the historical sites around New England.

Gift memberships to the Georgia Aquarium and Stone Mountain when we lived in Atlanta created some of our favorite family memories.Amanda loved being rolled through the tunnel inside Aquarium and riding the train at Stone Mountain. Honestly, if you'd asked me if she would have enjoyed a Confederate Memorial, I would have answered with an unequivocal, "NO", yet it turned out to be a place we went over and over.

One of the first things we did when we moved to New England was purchase a family membership to Mystic Aquarium. Amanda loves being out, seeing new sites and familiar old ones. I hope that someone gives her a membership to another are attraction for Christmas so we can start building new memories in our new home.

Gift Suggestions for a Developmentally Delayed Young Adult

It's the Christmas season again!


Not every person with a disability is cognitively impaired, many are brilliant, contributing members of society. For those of us whose child will always remain child-like regardless of their chronological age, things can get tricky when it comes to providing gift suggestions to relatives and well-meaning friends.

If you are reading this because you are one of those generous individuals, THANK YOU.


Amanda is now a young lady - 17 years old as of last week. Still, in many ways she's the same kid she was when I wrote my Stocking Stuffer post years ago. It's crazy how HARD it is to buy gifts for her! She loves presents, but she has the same interests and abilities that she had 5 years ago (10 years ago to be truthful.) It feels weird to us as her parents and even stranger to the rest of the family to keep buying her toys geared toward 3-5 year olds, but that is what she likes and wants.

As my circle of friends with adult of children with special needs expands internationally I realize that we are not alone in this. For some reason, most of our kids develop a fixation on a special character or movie and rarely move beyond it. A friend in the U.K. has an adult son who carries his Teletubby everywhere with him. A boy in Amanda's class loves Elmo and "Pooh Bear". Amanda shares a love of Elmo and also loves Barney and the Wiggles.

As parents sometimes we get lucky and our child develops an attachment to what might be considered a more age-appropriate interest, for example Amanda's interest in High School Musical and the Jonas Brothers.  Friends in Europe report kids that love certain soccer or rugby teams.  The biggest problem comes when things are no longer produced for a certain franchise.

One of the best/worst gifts Amanda ever received was her IPad. She LOVES it. It goes everywhere with her.  We had hoped that she'd use it for communication, but mainly she uses it to watch YouTube videos. (Typical 17 year old!) So, from that perspectives its great. It's age-appropriate. She can be entertained anywhere with WiFi. The negative aspect is that it is almost all she ever wants to do. (Again- yay for typical teen!) 

Not every person with a developmental delay understands money. Gift cards for apps and ITunes are great - but she doesn't understand that the things on her IPad were purchased so the cards are meaningless to her. (Great for us, however.) Any gift card needs to come with something else to be held when it's opened so that she understands that she has received a gift, not just a bit of plastic.  Even though they are outdated including a CD or DVD/BluRay with a gift card helps her understand what she has received.


The rule of thumb when giving a gift to ANYONE is to consider what the individual would like or need, not what you think they "should" have. If a 27 year old young man loves Elmo, buy him an Elmo book or DVD. It may feel odd to you, but he will be thrilled. Don't worry that other young men might want a trendy watch or a bottle of booze. Buy each person what will make them happy. You don't need to match the dollar amount with what you spend on your other grandchildren or nephews or friends. Or, if you feel you do, give a portion of the amount to the parents/caregivers in the form of a gift card, but don't shy away from giving a physical gift to the young man or woman.

Big ticket items that have been huge hits in the past include an Ipad, an electronic keyboard, a TIVO to watch streaming TV without cable like PBS shows (also Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hulu, etc. with paid subscriptions)

What you might buy your old auntie who is in a wheelchair or has Alzheimer's is not a good guideline for what to buy an autistic or developmentally disabled adult.

Contrary to what most online sources recommend Amanda does NOT like to get clothing. Imagine a
typically three year old opening a box of clothes. It gets tossed to the side and she's off to the next gift. Also, she does not like stuffed animals or cuddly blankets. Lots of people with special needs have an aversion to very soft or fluffy objects, even though it seems counter-intuitive.

She also doesn't like food gifts. She is a picky eater because she has difficulty chewing and swallowing.  Baking her cookies, while very kind, is a waste of time.

If you're not sure what he or she would like - feel free to ask them (if they can talk) or their parents or caregivers. If you're not comfortable asking them, here are my picks for Amanda this year.


Toys:
VTech Call and Chat Learning Phone I chose this because you can "add and store up to 5 family or friend numbers"I thought she might learn her phone number and a few others 

LeapFrog Learning Remote This might be a little too immature for her, but it was inexpensive and she enjoys pushing buttons

Fisher Price Learn with Lights Piano  This is rated for very young children. However it appears to have nice music, three levels of play and easy to push buttons.  Not sure about this one yet.

Equipment:
Headphones - wireless headphones for her I Pad.  These come in lots of colors so they are sort of a fun gift, but any others would be just as good

Durable Ipad case this one has decent shock absorbency, a handle and can be propped up. Still, accidents can happen and screens can crack...

From a parental perspective raising a child with special needs gets very expensive. There are lots of things that would help Amanda that I would like to receive as gifts (a portable wheelchair ramp, straw cups and adaptive utensils, etc.) However, she might not consider these good gifts. If you are feeling exceptionally generous equipment is a great gift for the family - just make sure that you include something small that the person can unwrap as well!

DVDs:
Amanda watches a lot of movies on her Ipad and loves You Tube. At this point we only pull out DVDs for car trips. If there is a favorite TV show that is still airing, search the name of the show and the current year to find the most recent release. DVDs of Barney, Sesame Street, etc. type are typically under $10.

Elmo The Musical 2 Even though she watches most thing on line this gives her a gift to open so it's a better option than paying for a streaming video  

The Best of Elmo 3 Same concept. 

It's Showtime with Barney! Ditto

Miscellaneous
 Fiber Optic Color Changing Lamp visually stimulating

OR Lava Lamp visually stimulating

Magazines - I'll put several in a gift bag. A subscription is a great idea for her becuase it means that she gets a "present" every month.

Thin, paperback books like Elmo Loves You! - I typically buy these at Dollar Tree or at the Dollar Stop in Target.

Lots of people with special needs like to have something to manipulate. For Amanda, it's books, catalogs and magazines. I have a friend whose daughters love bubble wrap.  Some people really enjoy stickers or fidget toys. These small items make great stocking stuffers or wrap a bunch of them together for a larger gift.


These suggestions are suitable for someone with a cognitive age of about a kindergartner. Amanda has impaired vision but is not blind. She is non-verbal, but can hear and understands what is said to her. She has limited fine motor coordination and some ability to walk. 

For stocking stuffer ideas please see http://imperfectlypossible.blogspot.com/2012/11/stocking-stuffers-for-children-with.html  

Also check out this article http://abc7chicago.com/shopping/gift-ideas-for-children-adults-with-disabilities/1102491/

Please note: My links are all to Amazon, but that's just because its easy for me. You can find the same items (possibly at better prices) elsewhere. I'm not compensated by Amazon in any manner.