Gift Ideas for A Developmentally Delayed Teenager

Once again its the most wonderful time of year for most children. Christmas and Hanukkah bring piles of gifts and big smiles... except when your child has special needs. Just trying doing a search on "gifts for special needs" and see what you get. Besides ads for overpriced therapy equipment posing as toys there isn't much guidance out there.

Every year ToysRUs publishes a "Guide for Differently-Abled" catalog that is somewhat helpful. This is a link to the 2011 Toy list from "Love That Max" -- sadly Amanda doesn't function at a high enough level for any of the 100 toys listed. All of them would present too great a physical challenge to do anything other than frustrate her.  This proves that, just like typical kids, all kids with special needs are not the same.

I've found a few posts from other moms with children who are considered "moderate to severely delayed" that are helpful.  My favorite gift suggestion was for the parents more than the child.  Thank you, Dream Mom for suggesting "Babysitting coupons so the parents can go out to dinner are always appreciated. So often with Special Needs children, none of the family wants to babysit since they are afraid or it’s too much work. While that may be true, there is often a time when the child is sleeping, that the parents can go out for a quick dinner."

Of course, no one site or store can determine what every child with special needs might want or enjoy. With Amanda's birthday only a month before Christmas I go through a lot of stress this time of year trying to find not one but two sets of presents that she will enjoy. I realize that if its hard for me to find a good gift it must be almost impossible for her grandparents and others who rarely see her. The key to giving a good gift is to know the recipient. It doesn't matter if they have special needs or not. You want to give a gift that will be enjoyed and appreciated.

Gift cards and cash are safe options - but they basically put the burden of shopping on the parents. Sometimes this is a relief. Parents can buy things they know their child needs or will enjoy. On the other hand, parents of children with special needs are often overwhelmed. This can be a sad time of year for us - missing out on the happy family moments others take for granted. You may be doing the family a favor if you step up to the plate and shop for your gift yourself.

Happily, there are some children with mobility impairments (in wheelchairs, using walkers, etc.) who are mentally and emotionally on par with their peers. Just because they aren't necessarily playing football or on the cheer squad doesn't mean that they don't want the same things their friends do. These are the "easy" kids with special needs. They may have difficulty using their hands well or walking, but they want the same toys that their friends have - American Girl dolls, Beyblades, a Wii, etc. Don't treat them like babies because they need assistance with some things.

In general, try to avoid anything physically demanding or athletic - unless the child specifically requests it! In which case, give them the chance to try. I know kids in wheelchairs who take karate and dance. Never sets limits for them. Our area has adaptive basketball, baseball, soccer and even sled hockey. Many children are able to integrate into typical sports with some assistance. You never know what opportunities may be available for kids with special needs!

Bowling is the great equalizer. Both of my kids can bowl. Its one of our favorite family activities. Call the local bowling alley and see if they have a ramp for people with disabilities (we've never found an alley that didn't). Give a gift certificate for a family bowling night. Many states have a Brunswick Zone bowling alley.

Giving gifts to children who are developmentally delayed (mentally retarded) is more difficult for family & friends. No one wants to offend the parents by buying their teenager a gift labeled "0-3 years" even if they think the child might enjoy it. Instead they fall back on socially acceptable (and uninteresting) options like clothes and stuffed animals.

I don't know any kid who is excited to get clothes for their birthday or a holiday - at least until he or she is old enough to want designer clothes and shoes that their parents are unwilling to buy.   Otherwise you might as well be giving them socks and underwear. Trust me, that adorable dress or cute sweatshirt is going to land on the floor within minutes.

While some children (including my youngest) love stuffed animals, many children with special needs - especially autism- dislike textures. Stuffed animals, instead of representing an adorable animal to cuddle, are something to be avoided with their fluffy fur and scratchy fabrics. It's called tactile defensiveness. Amanda had shelves of stuffed animals with the tags still attached that she never touched. I finally sprayed them with Febreeze, tossed them in the dryer for a few minutes and donated them to the local Firefighters to pass out to children during emergencies.


Instead, consider buying a musical gift - a CD, music box, etc. Many kids with special needs love music. Depending on their physical abilities musical instruments are great gifts. Most children (even very motor impaired) can play bells or a tambourine. Amanda loves her keyboard and has played with it for years. You can get a guitar for a child with good motor coordination. Look for PaperJamz musical instruments. No strings on the guitar ans easily mastered.

Amanda's Ipad was hands down the best gift she ever received. An Ipad or Ipod is a great gift if you have the funds. If the lucky child already has one or both of these, buy accessories such as durable cases, extra headphones (ours are always breaking or getting lost) and ITunes gift cards.  Our $50 Otterbox  case saved the Ipad from many falls.  However, after Amanda smashed the screen on her Ipad twice in one month we invested $150 in an AirDesk - another wonderful gift if you are looking to make an impact and have the funds. It's a rotating, free standing tray for an Ipad or tablet. It can be used near a chair, a wheelchair or even in bed.

Airdesk!

If you can't afford to give an IPad (who can?) consider a less expensive Kindle Fire or the kid-friendly, more durable MEEP. There are also plenty of MP3 players other than the IPod, that you can pick up for under $20.

Amanda loves watching TV. One year family members chipped in to buy her her "own" TV. It was the gift that kept on giving. It's in the livingroom, but she gets control of the remote. The rest of us have to watch TV in another room. DVDs are always appreciated - just check to see what the child has or would like. You'd be surprised. Amanda loves age-appropriate music despite her delay. She loves concert movies of One Direction, Jonas Brothers, the Cheetah Girls and Miley Cyrus -- as well as The Wiggles.

A dear friend gave Amanda her first Netflix subscription as a get well gift one year. It was ideal!  Redbox gift cards are another good gift along this line. A car or portable DVD player is a wonderful $60 splurge gift. It can keep the child content, calm and occupied at restaurants and places that are typically hard to go with a disabled child.

Even the most physically and mentally impaired children typically enjoy simple cause and effect toys with lights and music. Many of these are suggested in the ToysRUs Guide. Before buying one, ask the parents what the child already has. One year Amanda got three indentical Leapfrog toys. We were happy to donate two to Toys for Tots.

Some kids with special needs crave stimulation in the form of light and sound, others avoid it. A good set of noise reducing headphones can be a God send for loud places like the mall, theme parks, etc.

Kids with special needs often want "toys" that aren't true toys at all. My daughter loves to flip through magazines. Right now they are her absolute favorite gift. Despite the fact that she can't read. I don't know if she enjoys the pictures, the ability to manipulate the pages or just the sound it makes when she turns the pages. It doesn't matter. She enjoys them and that is enough for me. Last year her best Christmas gift came from her grandparents - subscriptions to two teen magazines. They were pleased to be able to give her something age-appropriate. She is thrilled to get 2 new magazines every month.

Another thoughtful gift idea is a custom photobook. Amanda loves her school year books so this year I made her an soft covered photo album as a surprise. To do this, take or collect pictures of the child's friends, family, pets, school, favorite things and places. Label each picture with the names. Have a book printed out that they can flip through. It will take an hour or so to create (depending on your computer skills) and costs under $30.

I know other kids who adore office supplies. Who doesn't love bubble wrap? You can buy rolls of it from Dollar Tree or Staples. Other interesting sensory items from the stationery section include tape, stickers, rolls or paper...

Other useful links
http://voices.yahoo.com/picking-gifts-profoundly-mentally-challenged-10760823.html

DDIY - I Didn't Do It! I'm not handy either...

Last year I naively suggested to Kevin that we make each other gifts instead of buying them. We are fortunate to have most of the things we want or need, so this seemed like a good idea when I was surrounded by mounds of torn gift wrap on Christmas morning.

I forgot about our deal until Kevin started producing amazing handmade gifts for me. For Mother's Day and my birthday he gave me pictures that he had painted or drawn himself. I felt like such a slacker!

 

I began my quest for the perfect homemade gift. First, lets be honest, men are harder to shop for than women. You can give a girl jewelry almost any day and she'll be happy. Many men like outdoorsy activities or sports. Chances are good that they already have the equipment they need. What does that leave us poor female shoppers? Most men hate to get clothes and, frankly, even the most progressive man secretly considers it our duty to provide them with food so home cooked or baked items fall a bit short.

Guys require gadgets; preferably gifts that plug in or at least light up. Short of learning to weld or solder most gadgets were beyond my humble abilities. And then I had my aha! moment. Kevin said in passing that he'd like a dip station for his home workouts. I looked them up online. As far as I could tell them were $200 metal frames. I could make that. Well, maybe not out of metal, but PVC piping seemed like a logical substitute.

First I found a website that described what I'd need to make the machine. Making a pipe dip station like the one shown would cost as much or more than buying one. I did a lot of research to determine that the typical width is 21-24" apart and the typical height is 36".

Thank goodness for the folks at Lowe's! Their slogan is "lets build something together" and they mean it! They let me use their computer to look up the instructions, loaned me a pen and paper to make the calculations and then (best of all!) made the cuts in the PVC pipe for me - for free! All together, the staff spent more than an hour helping me out. The components cost less than $40 and the hard work was done. Bargain!

I came home and this is what I had. Then I had what we'll euphemistically call my WTF moment. Could I really build this thing?!? "Its just tinkertoys for grownups," I kept reminding myself.

What WAS I thinking?!

According to the directions I needed:

• 8- 90 degree elbows
• 2- “T”s
• 2- 12 inch long pieces of pipe
• 7- 24 inch long pieces of pipe
• 2- 36 inch long pieces of pipe  

This was my working diagram. Note how scientific I am in my approach.

I was able to get most of the pieces from 2 ten foot lengths of 1 1/4 inch PVC. Each length cost $4.68. I needed a third section of pipe for the 12" pieces. Here were the cuts we made:
 
Pipe #1: cut into two 36" lengths and two  24" lengths
Pipe #2: cut into the remaining five  24" lengths
Pipe #3: cut into two 12" pieces

My first set of elbows was wrong - I needed ones with two wide openings to connect the pieces. Another trip to see my friends at Lowe's. Turns out that I needed "slip" elbows - great! They actually cost about half of what the first set did.  Now the cost of the project was just over $30. Then, oops! I accidentally ended up with three 12" pieces and six 24" pieces. Thankfully, I had left over pipe. I bravely pulled out the circular saw, put on some safety glasses and made my first cut.

Finally, I had all the right pieces in all the correct lengths. Time to build! The first version was exactly to the plan. However, it was a really wobbly. Also the front end was lower than the back because the T's used to stabilize the back actually raised that end up. I disassembled it and hid the pieces back under Amanda's bed.

I thought I could correct this by creating a T intersection on the other side as well. Off to Lowe's for another set of T's. By now I was confident cutting the PVC piping on my own and cheerfully sawed away in the garage. I read all about solvent welding and bought the proper primer and glue. Danielle happily helped me paint on the "pretty purple" PVC primer and we glued the pieces in place.

Then I realized that I'd basically built a cage.  I should have stabilized the sides instead of the font and back. Kevin was going to bump his knees the way this was. To correct it I needed ANOTHER set of T's to connect the ends that were now the sides and the new back. Man! This was getting complicated. Time for another diagram....

Suddenly- VOILA! I realized I could turn the whole thing UPSIDE DOWN and it would be fine - no additional pieces needed. Since I used 24" sections the original handles became the 'feet" and the feet are now the handles. There are days when my own genius astounds me.

Tragically, when Kevin tried it out Christmas morning it was still wobbly and clearly wouldn't work for its intended purpose... It didn't help that Danielle and I had missed two of the joints when we were gluing it together. Poor Kevin almost wiped out. Not quite the present I had planned.

I can see from this product that an angled frame would have solved my problem, but I'm not sure how I could have built one using the available PVC joints. If I had found this ad I NEVER would have attempted this project... Save yourself time, frustration and aggravation and BUY ONLINE. It's the same price ($98 including shipping) through Amazon.com

In case you want to learn how to do dips check out this site. Like many things, I've mastered the theory but can't put it into practice!

Now what to do with the large plastic frame we have in the garage...????

Re-gifting We Shall Go...

(To be sung to the tune of Jingle Bells...)

Re-gifting we shall go,
picking through our stash-
what can we give away from this pile of trash?
The socks from Sister Sue?
The mug from Uncle Bob?
What the heck was Mom thinking buying a watch fob?

OH -
Candles, soaps, cocoa tins, lots of shower gels,
Towels, socks and other things covered in jingle bells...


All kidding aside, I admit that I have re-gifted items. I consider it an admirable form of recycling. I also understand that times are tough and not everyone can afford to buy gifts.

I try to honestly inform the person when I re-gift. I tend to say something like,"I got this as a gift and I already have one. I thought you might like it." I don't hide the item away in a closet, wrap it up and try to pass it off as a new gift a year later.

Regifting can be a source of good fun between the right people. My cousin and I traded gifts in the same ducky bag for years until we couldn't tape it together any more. I've also received some packaged foods that have been circulated for at least three years. 

I started to wonder,"How long is a smoked sausage good for, anyway?"  Unlike military MREs (meals ready to eat) the shelf life is actually only about 45 days unless frozen. If you'd like to order fresh Hickory Farms gift boxes there is still time this year - so no excuses for re-gifting. Of course survivalists and folks with a quirky sense of humor might appreciate the gift of some MREs. The site states that MREs "will store for up to 5 years" which makes them  ideal for re-gifting!

My favorite re-gifting saga comes from a friend. She bought a lovely, expensive bowl for her mother-in-law. The next year her mother-in-law gave it my friend's mother (obviously forgetting who had given it to her.) My friend's mother later gave her the bowl - never knowing her daughter was the one who purchased it in the first place!

Re-gifting we shall go,
picking through our stash,
what fun it is to give away our unwanted trash!

Not Your Average Under $10 Gift Ideas for 2011

With Black Friday approaching it's time to start thinking about holiday shopping. I have a huge holiday gift list - 37 people, not including the 4 under my own roof. I know, I know...the easiest way to save money at this time of year is to cut people off the list. I could; but I won't.

I also know the "cheapest" gift is home baked goods. I love to bake, but I typically avoid this gift. In the first place, it's labor intensive. Can you imagine baking 37 dozen cookies?!? That's 444 cookies, my friends.

In the second place, I think people aren't really considering the cost of the ingredients they use. A nice tin or box costs about $3 which I agree is inexpensive. However chocolate isn't cheap, neither is butter. A batch of cookies, depending on the type, probably costs $2-5 to bake plus the cost of the packaging.  It is a personal and heartfelt gift. I like the idea, but I need back up plans for this busy time of year.

Purchased food is always an option, assuming you know the recipient's personal tastes. For instance, I detest chutneys and jellies. If I received these as a gift they would go straight to the local food bank. I know other people who love these items.  Women assume that everyone loves chocolate, but my husband could take it or leave it. He'd rather get nuts or something salty. However most people have family or guests who will gladly eat up the things they pass along.

You can also buy plants, ornaments, small kitchen items....I like to receive cut flowers, but some folks are allergic. Plants are theoretically a longer lasting gift. Unless the recipient, like me, forgets to water them regularly.

A teacher once told me that she has an entire box of Christmas ornaments that her students had given her. While she treasured them she didn't use them on her tree - she's Jewish! 

Our babysitter said that her mom (a teacher at my daughter's elementary school) typically receives multiple dish towels and potholders which they turn around and donate to the local soup kitchen. Nice of them. but probably not what the givers intended.

When I searched for inexpensive gift ideas I came up with the predictable soaps, candles, candy, mugs, note papers and socks... If I could knit I might make socks or mittens. But I can't. Aloe infused socks are a possibilty for the dance teachers since their feet take a beating.

I like the idea of gifts that are both practical and whimsical or unique if possible. Here are some off the beaten track ideas that I've come up with. These are suggestions for adults. There are lots of toys and books for children that cost less than $10; you don't need my suggestions. And as far as I can tell all that teenagers want is cash and no matter how much you give them it won't be enough.

These could be stocking stuffers or inexpensive gifts. If you are considering ordering online ALWAYS search the site name and "free shipping code" before ordering. Shipping costs will push these items over the $10 limit. Order from Amazon and you can normally get free super saver shipping with a $25 purchase. If you register and shop through GoodShop a they will make a donation to the charity of your choice. Consider one of these:

•  Instead of another picture frame consider ordering a Cable photo holder from Amazon. Available in several colors. It's about 5 feet long and comes with 8 magnets.
•  How about a stapler that doesn't need staples? Try the Pencil Grip The Classics Staple Free Stapler, (less risky for the little ones). It will only attach 2-5 sheets of paper, but that should work fine for homework, tests, etc. Pier One also carries a panda staple-free stapler for $5.
• Try a variation on the traditional pen and pencil set - You can get a  Smencil and Smen (smelly pen) Set for $5. I've found these at Michael's, Target and other local stores.
• Colored mechanical pencils from Crate & Barrel are available online only for $8.95
• or Smencils - pencils that smell good and are made from recycled materials. You can get a pack of 5 for $7
• These Drumstick pencils   are a little pricey at $8 for a pair, but fun and still functional
• To go with the pencils how about a battery operated pencil sharpener? You can pick one up at most grocery stores for about $4.
• A box of tea bags is okay - a tea infuser stick is cool if the person uses loose tea. There are several brands to chose from. I liked the Crate & Barrel model because it pulls apart rather than hinges so it is easier to use and clean.
•  If you know the person's hobbies you can go for a themed gift. Pier One sells a trio of golf club shaped pens for $5. You can get sports team playing cards for $7 if the person is a fan. (I had to chose NFL Atlanta Falcons Playing Cards since I'm from Atlanta, but there are lots of others.) 
• I think a tiny USB car charger is potentially useful for most people...
• I am also intrigued by the Credit Card Size Survival Pocket Tool. Among other things it claims to include: 1) Can Opener 2) Knife Edge 3) Screwdriver 4) Ruler 5) Cap Opener...
• Do something nice by ordering an item that supports a cause. Ten Thousand Villages is a fair trade retailer with dozens of unique items for under $10.
• These silly file folders from Crate & Barrel won't fit in a stocking, but should bring a smile.

•  Visit One Hope Wines - While these wines exceed my dollar limit, they are worth mentioning for someone special. Half of the profits from each bottle are donated to charity. The site is very clear and specific about the amount of the donation - and you can even select your own charity to receive a portion.

Happy Holiday Shopping!