Gift Suggestions for a Developmentally Delayed Young Adult, Part 2

If you can't think of things to give, consider giving the person an experience.


Oddly, Amanda doesn't sit through movies, but many of her friends enjoy them. A movie gift certificate might make an excellent gift.

For Amanda's friend that loves Elmo tickets to Sesame Street Live would be a thrill. For a Thomas-lover, consider tickets to the touring stage show or a Day Out with Thomas where they can visit and ride on the "real" Thomas. These are all things we have taken Amanda to and she has enjoyed very much.

Some of Amanda's best gifts have been experiences. When she was 7 she got tickets to see The Wiggles Live. When she was 9 she got tickets to see Disney on Ice. It was High School Musical so she was thrilled.  Disney also typically has a touring show of some sort featuring familiar characters.  If the person is Christian, they might enjoy seeing the VeggieTales live. You can also try Hit Entertainment's franchises like Barney, Fireman Sam, Bob the Builder, Angelina Ballerina - you'd be amazed how many touring stage shows there are! Most people love to get out and see something new.

We've noticed that Amanda does better with shows that appear to be cartoons (i.e., people in big animal costumes or puppets.) She is less patient with live actors. As long as there is enough stimulus for Amanda she is completely engaged in live performances. She does tend to think that intermission means the end of the show, but other than that she responds really well to shows with a lot of music.  She would NOT sit through The Nutcracker, however, or a symphony.

This is the time to consider the person's intellectual and emotional development. Stop and ask yourself before you buy tickets, would a typical three year old (or whatever the person's developmental age is) enjoy this? be able to sit through it? understand it? If the answer to ANY of those questions is "no" then keep looking for ideas.

Options to consider include:

• the circus
• local puppet shows
• high school productions of familiar stories (Cinderella, Little Mermaid, etc.)

Some people might like to go out to eat, but not all of them. Amanda likes to eat at the food court at the mall because she likes the stimulus, but eating at a sit-down restaurant is not her idea of fun. If you decide to give a gift card to a restaurant make sure that it is one the person likes and will enjoy. As odd as it sounds, McDonald's or Burger King gift cards might be better than a "nice" restaurant
for an adult with developmental delays. Amanda thinks going to the McDonalds drive-thru is a big treat!

I have two suggestions if you are considering giving an experience rather than a physical gift.

1) Have something symbolizing the experience for the person to unwrap. Tickets and notes can be too abstract for some people with special needs to understand. For example, if you are giving tickets to Disney on Ice, then wrap up a small Disney figure, stuffed animal or inexpensive book with the tickets so they can make the connection.

2) Make sure there is someone to go to the event with the person. In an ideal world the gift giver would accompany the recipient, but that's not always possible. If you can't go, make sure that the person has a guest to accompany them, to help them negotiate the venue, etc. Be sure to include a ticket for the chaperone!

Lastly, don't overlook family memberships as gifts. In the past Amanda has been given a family membership (or an Individual +1) that allowed us to go places that we might not have otherwise tried. Try to think of a place that might have special appeal to the recipient.  Think beyond the surface. You might not think a Science Museum would be a good destination, when in fact, they often offer a lot of hands on experiences which are ideal for individuals with developmental disabilities. People with this type of disability often enjoy tactile experiences, cause and effect and interactive displays.

Art museums, historical sites, and history museums might not be the best choices. However, you might have an art museum near you with an excellent kids area, creative programming or something else that would make it especially appealing. Amanda adored Fernbank Museum of Natural History in Atlanta because it had a good children's area and an IMAX. I know another young woman with mild special needs who loves creating art. A gift certificate to a paint you own pottery place or an art museum would be her dream gift.

Make sure that you take a little time to read through the various programs and exhibits before you buy a membership. Look for words like "hands on", interactive", "family-friendly." Also be sure to check accessibility! To our surprise even in this era of ADA access, not all public spaces are accessible. A lovely local museum in Providence is housed in an antique building - you have to be able to climb multiple steps to enter - so it's off our list. As are many of the historical sites around New England.

Gift memberships to the Georgia Aquarium and Stone Mountain when we lived in Atlanta created some of our favorite family memories.Amanda loved being rolled through the tunnel inside Aquarium and riding the train at Stone Mountain. Honestly, if you'd asked me if she would have enjoyed a Confederate Memorial, I would have answered with an unequivocal, "NO", yet it turned out to be a place we went over and over.

One of the first things we did when we moved to New England was purchase a family membership to Mystic Aquarium. Amanda loves being out, seeing new sites and familiar old ones. I hope that someone gives her a membership to another are attraction for Christmas so we can start building new memories in our new home.

Gift Suggestions for a Developmentally Delayed Young Adult

It's the Christmas season again!


Not every person with a disability is cognitively impaired, many are brilliant, contributing members of society. For those of us whose child will always remain child-like regardless of their chronological age, things can get tricky when it comes to providing gift suggestions to relatives and well-meaning friends.

If you are reading this because you are one of those generous individuals, THANK YOU.


Amanda is now a young lady - 17 years old as of last week. Still, in many ways she's the same kid she was when I wrote my Stocking Stuffer post years ago. It's crazy how HARD it is to buy gifts for her! She loves presents, but she has the same interests and abilities that she had 5 years ago (10 years ago to be truthful.) It feels weird to us as her parents and even stranger to the rest of the family to keep buying her toys geared toward 3-5 year olds, but that is what she likes and wants.

As my circle of friends with adult of children with special needs expands internationally I realize that we are not alone in this. For some reason, most of our kids develop a fixation on a special character or movie and rarely move beyond it. A friend in the U.K. has an adult son who carries his Teletubby everywhere with him. A boy in Amanda's class loves Elmo and "Pooh Bear". Amanda shares a love of Elmo and also loves Barney and the Wiggles.

As parents sometimes we get lucky and our child develops an attachment to what might be considered a more age-appropriate interest, for example Amanda's interest in High School Musical and the Jonas Brothers.  Friends in Europe report kids that love certain soccer or rugby teams.  The biggest problem comes when things are no longer produced for a certain franchise.

One of the best/worst gifts Amanda ever received was her IPad. She LOVES it. It goes everywhere with her.  We had hoped that she'd use it for communication, but mainly she uses it to watch YouTube videos. (Typical 17 year old!) So, from that perspectives its great. It's age-appropriate. She can be entertained anywhere with WiFi. The negative aspect is that it is almost all she ever wants to do. (Again- yay for typical teen!) 

Not every person with a developmental delay understands money. Gift cards for apps and ITunes are great - but she doesn't understand that the things on her IPad were purchased so the cards are meaningless to her. (Great for us, however.) Any gift card needs to come with something else to be held when it's opened so that she understands that she has received a gift, not just a bit of plastic.  Even though they are outdated including a CD or DVD/BluRay with a gift card helps her understand what she has received.


The rule of thumb when giving a gift to ANYONE is to consider what the individual would like or need, not what you think they "should" have. If a 27 year old young man loves Elmo, buy him an Elmo book or DVD. It may feel odd to you, but he will be thrilled. Don't worry that other young men might want a trendy watch or a bottle of booze. Buy each person what will make them happy. You don't need to match the dollar amount with what you spend on your other grandchildren or nephews or friends. Or, if you feel you do, give a portion of the amount to the parents/caregivers in the form of a gift card, but don't shy away from giving a physical gift to the young man or woman.

Big ticket items that have been huge hits in the past include an Ipad, an electronic keyboard, a TIVO to watch streaming TV without cable like PBS shows (also Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hulu, etc. with paid subscriptions)

What you might buy your old auntie who is in a wheelchair or has Alzheimer's is not a good guideline for what to buy an autistic or developmentally disabled adult.

Contrary to what most online sources recommend Amanda does NOT like to get clothing. Imagine a
typically three year old opening a box of clothes. It gets tossed to the side and she's off to the next gift. Also, she does not like stuffed animals or cuddly blankets. Lots of people with special needs have an aversion to very soft or fluffy objects, even though it seems counter-intuitive.

She also doesn't like food gifts. She is a picky eater because she has difficulty chewing and swallowing.  Baking her cookies, while very kind, is a waste of time.

If you're not sure what he or she would like - feel free to ask them (if they can talk) or their parents or caregivers. If you're not comfortable asking them, here are my picks for Amanda this year.


Toys:
VTech Call and Chat Learning Phone I chose this because you can "add and store up to 5 family or friend numbers"I thought she might learn her phone number and a few others 

LeapFrog Learning Remote This might be a little too immature for her, but it was inexpensive and she enjoys pushing buttons

Fisher Price Learn with Lights Piano  This is rated for very young children. However it appears to have nice music, three levels of play and easy to push buttons.  Not sure about this one yet.

Equipment:
Headphones - wireless headphones for her I Pad.  These come in lots of colors so they are sort of a fun gift, but any others would be just as good

Durable Ipad case this one has decent shock absorbency, a handle and can be propped up. Still, accidents can happen and screens can crack...

From a parental perspective raising a child with special needs gets very expensive. There are lots of things that would help Amanda that I would like to receive as gifts (a portable wheelchair ramp, straw cups and adaptive utensils, etc.) However, she might not consider these good gifts. If you are feeling exceptionally generous equipment is a great gift for the family - just make sure that you include something small that the person can unwrap as well!

DVDs:
Amanda watches a lot of movies on her Ipad and loves You Tube. At this point we only pull out DVDs for car trips. If there is a favorite TV show that is still airing, search the name of the show and the current year to find the most recent release. DVDs of Barney, Sesame Street, etc. type are typically under $10.

Elmo The Musical 2 Even though she watches most thing on line this gives her a gift to open so it's a better option than paying for a streaming video  

The Best of Elmo 3 Same concept. 

It's Showtime with Barney! Ditto

Miscellaneous
 Fiber Optic Color Changing Lamp visually stimulating

OR Lava Lamp visually stimulating

Magazines - I'll put several in a gift bag. A subscription is a great idea for her becuase it means that she gets a "present" every month.

Thin, paperback books like Elmo Loves You! - I typically buy these at Dollar Tree or at the Dollar Stop in Target.

Lots of people with special needs like to have something to manipulate. For Amanda, it's books, catalogs and magazines. I have a friend whose daughters love bubble wrap.  Some people really enjoy stickers or fidget toys. These small items make great stocking stuffers or wrap a bunch of them together for a larger gift.


These suggestions are suitable for someone with a cognitive age of about a kindergartner. Amanda has impaired vision but is not blind. She is non-verbal, but can hear and understands what is said to her. She has limited fine motor coordination and some ability to walk. 

For stocking stuffer ideas please see http://imperfectlypossible.blogspot.com/2012/11/stocking-stuffers-for-children-with.html  

Also check out this article http://abc7chicago.com/shopping/gift-ideas-for-children-adults-with-disabilities/1102491/

Please note: My links are all to Amazon, but that's just because its easy for me. You can find the same items (possibly at better prices) elsewhere. I'm not compensated by Amazon in any manner. 

Gift Ideas for A Developmentally Delayed Teenager

Once again its the most wonderful time of year for most children. Christmas and Hanukkah bring piles of gifts and big smiles... except when your child has special needs. Just trying doing a search on "gifts for special needs" and see what you get. Besides ads for overpriced therapy equipment posing as toys there isn't much guidance out there.

Every year ToysRUs publishes a "Guide for Differently-Abled" catalog that is somewhat helpful. This is a link to the 2011 Toy list from "Love That Max" -- sadly Amanda doesn't function at a high enough level for any of the 100 toys listed. All of them would present too great a physical challenge to do anything other than frustrate her.  This proves that, just like typical kids, all kids with special needs are not the same.

I've found a few posts from other moms with children who are considered "moderate to severely delayed" that are helpful.  My favorite gift suggestion was for the parents more than the child.  Thank you, Dream Mom for suggesting "Babysitting coupons so the parents can go out to dinner are always appreciated. So often with Special Needs children, none of the family wants to babysit since they are afraid or it’s too much work. While that may be true, there is often a time when the child is sleeping, that the parents can go out for a quick dinner."

Of course, no one site or store can determine what every child with special needs might want or enjoy. With Amanda's birthday only a month before Christmas I go through a lot of stress this time of year trying to find not one but two sets of presents that she will enjoy. I realize that if its hard for me to find a good gift it must be almost impossible for her grandparents and others who rarely see her. The key to giving a good gift is to know the recipient. It doesn't matter if they have special needs or not. You want to give a gift that will be enjoyed and appreciated.

Gift cards and cash are safe options - but they basically put the burden of shopping on the parents. Sometimes this is a relief. Parents can buy things they know their child needs or will enjoy. On the other hand, parents of children with special needs are often overwhelmed. This can be a sad time of year for us - missing out on the happy family moments others take for granted. You may be doing the family a favor if you step up to the plate and shop for your gift yourself.

Happily, there are some children with mobility impairments (in wheelchairs, using walkers, etc.) who are mentally and emotionally on par with their peers. Just because they aren't necessarily playing football or on the cheer squad doesn't mean that they don't want the same things their friends do. These are the "easy" kids with special needs. They may have difficulty using their hands well or walking, but they want the same toys that their friends have - American Girl dolls, Beyblades, a Wii, etc. Don't treat them like babies because they need assistance with some things.

In general, try to avoid anything physically demanding or athletic - unless the child specifically requests it! In which case, give them the chance to try. I know kids in wheelchairs who take karate and dance. Never sets limits for them. Our area has adaptive basketball, baseball, soccer and even sled hockey. Many children are able to integrate into typical sports with some assistance. You never know what opportunities may be available for kids with special needs!

Bowling is the great equalizer. Both of my kids can bowl. Its one of our favorite family activities. Call the local bowling alley and see if they have a ramp for people with disabilities (we've never found an alley that didn't). Give a gift certificate for a family bowling night. Many states have a Brunswick Zone bowling alley.

Giving gifts to children who are developmentally delayed (mentally retarded) is more difficult for family & friends. No one wants to offend the parents by buying their teenager a gift labeled "0-3 years" even if they think the child might enjoy it. Instead they fall back on socially acceptable (and uninteresting) options like clothes and stuffed animals.

I don't know any kid who is excited to get clothes for their birthday or a holiday - at least until he or she is old enough to want designer clothes and shoes that their parents are unwilling to buy.   Otherwise you might as well be giving them socks and underwear. Trust me, that adorable dress or cute sweatshirt is going to land on the floor within minutes.

While some children (including my youngest) love stuffed animals, many children with special needs - especially autism- dislike textures. Stuffed animals, instead of representing an adorable animal to cuddle, are something to be avoided with their fluffy fur and scratchy fabrics. It's called tactile defensiveness. Amanda had shelves of stuffed animals with the tags still attached that she never touched. I finally sprayed them with Febreeze, tossed them in the dryer for a few minutes and donated them to the local Firefighters to pass out to children during emergencies.


Instead, consider buying a musical gift - a CD, music box, etc. Many kids with special needs love music. Depending on their physical abilities musical instruments are great gifts. Most children (even very motor impaired) can play bells or a tambourine. Amanda loves her keyboard and has played with it for years. You can get a guitar for a child with good motor coordination. Look for PaperJamz musical instruments. No strings on the guitar ans easily mastered.

Amanda's Ipad was hands down the best gift she ever received. An Ipad or Ipod is a great gift if you have the funds. If the lucky child already has one or both of these, buy accessories such as durable cases, extra headphones (ours are always breaking or getting lost) and ITunes gift cards.  Our $50 Otterbox  case saved the Ipad from many falls.  However, after Amanda smashed the screen on her Ipad twice in one month we invested $150 in an AirDesk - another wonderful gift if you are looking to make an impact and have the funds. It's a rotating, free standing tray for an Ipad or tablet. It can be used near a chair, a wheelchair or even in bed.

Airdesk!

If you can't afford to give an IPad (who can?) consider a less expensive Kindle Fire or the kid-friendly, more durable MEEP. There are also plenty of MP3 players other than the IPod, that you can pick up for under $20.

Amanda loves watching TV. One year family members chipped in to buy her her "own" TV. It was the gift that kept on giving. It's in the livingroom, but she gets control of the remote. The rest of us have to watch TV in another room. DVDs are always appreciated - just check to see what the child has or would like. You'd be surprised. Amanda loves age-appropriate music despite her delay. She loves concert movies of One Direction, Jonas Brothers, the Cheetah Girls and Miley Cyrus -- as well as The Wiggles.

A dear friend gave Amanda her first Netflix subscription as a get well gift one year. It was ideal!  Redbox gift cards are another good gift along this line. A car or portable DVD player is a wonderful $60 splurge gift. It can keep the child content, calm and occupied at restaurants and places that are typically hard to go with a disabled child.

Even the most physically and mentally impaired children typically enjoy simple cause and effect toys with lights and music. Many of these are suggested in the ToysRUs Guide. Before buying one, ask the parents what the child already has. One year Amanda got three indentical Leapfrog toys. We were happy to donate two to Toys for Tots.

Some kids with special needs crave stimulation in the form of light and sound, others avoid it. A good set of noise reducing headphones can be a God send for loud places like the mall, theme parks, etc.

Kids with special needs often want "toys" that aren't true toys at all. My daughter loves to flip through magazines. Right now they are her absolute favorite gift. Despite the fact that she can't read. I don't know if she enjoys the pictures, the ability to manipulate the pages or just the sound it makes when she turns the pages. It doesn't matter. She enjoys them and that is enough for me. Last year her best Christmas gift came from her grandparents - subscriptions to two teen magazines. They were pleased to be able to give her something age-appropriate. She is thrilled to get 2 new magazines every month.

Another thoughtful gift idea is a custom photobook. Amanda loves her school year books so this year I made her an soft covered photo album as a surprise. To do this, take or collect pictures of the child's friends, family, pets, school, favorite things and places. Label each picture with the names. Have a book printed out that they can flip through. It will take an hour or so to create (depending on your computer skills) and costs under $30.

I know other kids who adore office supplies. Who doesn't love bubble wrap? You can buy rolls of it from Dollar Tree or Staples. Other interesting sensory items from the stationery section include tape, stickers, rolls or paper...

Other useful links
http://voices.yahoo.com/picking-gifts-profoundly-mentally-challenged-10760823.html